Christmas Story

Don Staples dstaples at
Fri Dec 12 16:31:22 EST 1997

Thought that during this "Christmas Season" you all would enjoy this.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Years to all.

> Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did
> occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter
> "the House") a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein,
> including, but not limited to a mouse.
> A variety of foot apparel, e.g. stocking, socks, etc., had been
> affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the hope
> and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa
> Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime
> thereafter.
> The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned
> House, were located in their individual beds and were
> engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein
> vision of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to,
> candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and
> otherwise appear in said dreams.
> Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter
> referred to as "I"), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the
> House with the parts of the second part (hereinafter
> "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained
> period of sleep.  (At such time, the parties were clad in
> various forms of headgear, e.g. kerchief and cap.)
> Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur
> upon the unimproved real property adjacent and appurtent to
> said House, i.e. the lawn, a certain disruption of unknown
> nature, cause and/or circumstance.  The party of the first part
> did immediately rush to a window in the House to investigate
> the cause of such disturbance.  At that time, the party of the
> first part did observe, with some degree of wonder and/or
> disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter the "Vehicle") being
> pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by
> approximately eight (8) reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle
> appeared to be and in fact was, the previously referenced
> Claus.
> Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and
> guidance to the approximately eight (8) reindeer and
> specifically identified the animal co-conspirators by name:
> Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and
> Blitzen (hereinafter the "Deer"). (Upon information and belief,
> it is further asserted that an additional co-conspirator named
> "Rudolph" may have been involved.)
> The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and
> the Deer intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of
> several residences located adjacent to and in the vicinity of
> the House, and noted that the Vehicle was heavily laden with
> packages, toys and other items of unknown origin or nature.
> Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either
> express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and
> Claus entered said House via the chimney.
> Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially
> covered with residue from the chimney, and he carried a large
> sack containing a portion of the aforementioned packages,
> toys, and other unknown items.  He was smoking what
> appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of
> local ordinances and health regulations.
> Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the
> stocking of the minor children, which hung adjacent to the
> chimney, with toys and other small gifts.  (Said items did not,
> however, constitute "gifts" to said minor pursuant to the
> applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.)
> Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his
> nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the
> House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or
> served as "lookouts." Claus immediately departed for an
> unknown destination.
> However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus
> from said House, the party of the first part did hear Claus
> state and/or exclaim:  "Merry Christmas to all and to all a
> good night!" Or words to that effect.
> Respectfully Submitted,
> s./   The Grinch
Don Staples
UIN 4653335

My Ego Stroke:

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