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Humorous timber sale names

John M. Hamel hameljoh at itiseasy.com
Fri Aug 7 19:17:29 EST 1998

Humorous sale names are not the domain of only the FS,  I spent 2
summers setting up sales for the state of Michigan.

on "Little devils red pine" I came home each day with 1 less pint of
blood due to the Black flies.

Larry Harrell wrote:
> The USFS is known to have a sense of humor sometimes regarding timber sale
> names. Here are some examples of sales that I have worked on or heard of:
> Armageddon:  Now, here is a politically incorrect name in these days of
> eco-activism
>                  On this sale, we turned 4 planned clearcuts into 24 of them, but
> all of
>                      them were under 4 acres. The "flower pot effect"
> between the lava
>                      reefs made this possible. The sale was in a group with
> other sales
>                      named Rapture and Tribulation, so, I am sure that
> clears up some
>                      questions you might have had about this one. <g>
> Insecta Correcta:
> Pitchy Pasta:
> Beetle Battle:
> Bugs to Boot:
> Braindead:      All of these were insect salvage sales (as you might have
> guessed)
> Outer Limits:   This one was a helicopter sale which had up to 3 mile
> flight
>                       distances, hence, the name.
> Tinman:          This was a blowdown sale with included insect salvage that
> went from
>                       2.2 million board feet estimated up to 8 million when
> finished due to
>                       inexperienced timber markers and cruisers plus
> pressure from above
>                       to boost the volume. And the purchaser still
> complained about the
>                       marking on this incompletely marked sale. As Harvest
> Inspector, I
>                       was the most conservative marker out there strictly
> following the EA
>                       (Environmental Assessment) and leaving large snags,
> as per the
>                       contract. That really drew the ire of purchaser,
> contractor, Sale
>                       Administator and others and is probably the reason I
> am unemployed
>                       now.
> Bendover:        This name was on the books for several years for a sale
> that was
>                       near a place called Bendorf springs. The local timber
> industry pushed
>                       the USFS to put this sale up, despite the fact that
> it was in an area
>                       that required herbicides as post sale treatment for
> bear clover, and at
>                       that time, there was still a ban on USFS use of
> herbicides. The
>                       foresters thought it was a funny play on words but,
> the name was
>                       eventually changed to a more tame one
> Anyone else have some silly sale names?

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