[FUN] Dumbest lab experience?
Dr. Duncan Clark
Duncan at nospam.demon.co.uk
Mon Jan 1 05:43:39 EST 2001
In article <rpg14-A63289.21050529122000 at news.ic24.net>, the eminent
Richard P. Grant at www.ic24.net wrote
>> Not the Journal of Polymorphous Perversity
>Now, come on, you can't just leave it at that.
I have two, now getting faded, photocopies of articles from said
'journal', copied from a lab wall copy maybe 10 years ago.
One entitled 'Understanding Your Doctoral Dissertation Committee: A
Survivor's Guide for Advanced Graduate Students' by D.L.Pierce M.A.
What your Committee Says What Your Committee Means
I found the overall concept This is a token compliment
interesting before I rip you to shreds
Explain... I have tenure. I don't need
to think for myself
Your research is an interesting Why didn't I think of this?
extension of my early work.
You failed to take into account You failed to cite my article(s)
some relevant research
And the other one.
'Understanding Your Advisor: A Survivor's Guide for Beginning Graduate
Students' by Alan Feingold, Ed.M, Yale University.
What your Advisor Says What your Advisor Means
The students in our program are The students in our program
competitive. stab one another in the back.
You're surprisingly honest. Boy, are you naive!
This is only a suggestion. Of course, I can also suggest
you find another advisor.
Your paper is interesting and worthy I want to make some trivial
of publication, but it first needs changes - so I can justify
some professional polishing putting my name on it.
And so on and so on.
Finally in the interest of dragging the level of scientific discussion
down and because it is Jan 1st and I am in the lab, yet again, try the
following as emailed to me:
TWO NEW ADDITIONS TO THE PERIODIC TABLE OF ELEMENTS
1. Element Name: WOMAN
2. Symbol: WO
3. Atomic Weight: (Don't even go there)
4. Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and
may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if
5. Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong
affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Volatile
when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns
slightly green when placed next to a shinier specimen.
6. Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion
of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.
1. Element Name: MAN
2. Symbol: XY
3. Atomic Weight: (180+/-50)
4. Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of
shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a
pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct
electricity as easily as young samples.
5. Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get.
Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when
mixed with KD (Element: Child) for prolonged period of time. Neutralize
by saturating with alcohol.
6. Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good specimens are
able to produce large quantities on command.
Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and
begins to smell.
The problem with being on the cutting edge is that you occasionally get
sliced from time to time....
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