ken collins kkollins at concentric.net
Fri Dec 25 21:45:01 EST 1998

Krakatoa wrote in message ...
>No, I don't think your posts are angry thrashing stuff. But they are,
>generally speaking, extremely arrogant

I admit that it's deliberately so. It's difficult, but necessary.

I didn't start out this way. What's in me is to just do the work, and
present the fruits of such labor. It's just the way tha I am.

But for the first 10-12 years, I couldn't find anyone who'd just listen.
I tried dilligently to find a venue. And I tried in respect-filled ways.

Try to understand. I saw that I could not "abandon" efforts to get the
understanding communicated. Yet, working within the system, the
understanding would not be communicated... all I got were condescending
lectures with respect to "how science is done", devoid of content.
Looking backward, I do see that part of this stems from the way that I
am. I've always seen farther than my teachers, all the way back to
elementary school. And I learned, at a young age, that such creates
"problems" that Wastefully get in the way of doing... what I always saw
as a Joy-filled Gift, most of my teachers saw as "insolence", and I'd be
"punished" for just doing what gave me Joy. So, at a very-early age, I
learned to "be humble", and just teach in-secret. Then move on to the
next thing.

Why all this? It gives me Sorrow to see anyone knocking their head
against a problem that they cannot resolve. So to eliminate my own
Sorrow, I solve the problem and give them the solution.

But one must only do this "in-secret" because, even though the Gift's
in-there, folks experience the Gift as "insolence". So, I just became
very-good at doing the Gift stuff in-secret. I don't know a single
person whose impression of me isn't that I'm a "dummy". I learned how to
"not care" about such. There're real advantages in such... if everyone
thinks one's a "dummy", one can go where the answers live, unnoticed...
and that expedites the gathering of Gift's Stuff.

I just did all of this without any formal decisions... just "naturally"
adapted in this way. It's only been in the last 15 - 20 years that I've
understood that I am this way out of necessity.

And it's probably a big part of why, when I went to folks with the
understanding that's now NDT, I received all those condescending
lectures and nothing else happened... they "read the book by its cover",
and what they saw was, "Dummy".

It's why I long ago gave my Word of Honor that, after the
understanding's Communicated to those on whose behalves it was done, I'd
"go away". I saw this'd be necessary because it was what I'd become,
under "the pressure of necessity" (after A. Lincoln), that induced folks
to be only-condescending... they couldn't imagine anything worthy coming
out of the fellow who stood before them.

It's been a Sorrow.

FWIW, the way I'm going at things just magnifies my Sorrow. I've still got
the burden, but I can no longer do things "in-secret" But, as I've tried to
explain, I've no longer any "options". I've just got to do it in any way
that it can be done. ken


More information about the Neur-sci mailing list