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kenneth Collins kpaulc at earthlink.net
Sat Nov 13 15:42:18 EST 1999

why am i so 'teed-off' today?

ken collins wrote:

> well... it's 'time' to see if it'll 'fly'.


> it's 'hilarious'. the "thing's" started rapidly-growing again. it has to be
> correlated to my sleep-deprivation. (someone in Pathology is passing up a good
> research project, here.) i'd go back to the hospital, but i can't spare the
> $100. besides that, my throat's gotten progressively-worse, and if i don't quit
> smoking now, God's going to 'call' me on caring insufficiently for the Life He
> Gave me, so i guess i'll have to quit.
> if anyone wants to figure out "what gives?", rent a copy of _Electric
> Horseman_, the old Redford-Fonda flick (one of my all-'time' favorites), and
> give it a look. it's been my plan, since the beginning to 'turn the horse
> loose". why? "Heck, Alice, I'm trying to un-screw it." :-)


there was an article, reprinted from the _Sanfransisco Examiner_, in the
_Springfield Union_ this morning, "Tobacco-ad parody goes worldwide".

if anyone cares to know, as i've explained, repeatedly over the course of the last
decade, i'm aware that i should've quit smoking at least 10-15 years ago. i have
'quit', periodically, to give my body a rest. during these periods of withdrawal
from nicotine, i found that i could not reach out to the edges of my own research,
so, in order to do so, i always resumed smoking.

=NOTE WELL= it is =not= because i'm a nicotine addict that i've been able to do my
research, but in-spite of it. my addiction stems from my Childhood years when my
Father smoked heavily. when i left home for the Service, i went through
'withdrawal', and, unthinkingly, took up smoking.

but because i smoked for the first 2 decades of my research efforts, my 'memory'
for the most-demanding aspects of my own work is state-dependent on nicotine. so to
do the work i've had to continue smoking.

the Truth of the matter is that it's been one of the reasons that i've been so
desperate to finish the communication... so that i could quit smoking. it's what
i'm talking about when i 'whine' about my throat and the 'thing' (which is still

rightly or wrongly, this morning, i read that 'parody' article as being with
respect to myself.

but i've begged for the circumstance that'd allow me to quit inhaling
carcinogens... what do local "journalists" do?

use space in their "newspaper" that, if it'd've been devoted to NDT's stuff, in a
thoughtful way, would've been all that is required to get the ball rolling.

i shouldn't single them out. it's been the same, from most directions, for the last
decade (as usual, i can demonstrate).

i'm well-aware that smoking Kills. i =hate= being an addict, but what good is
quitting-smoking if such, simultaneously, prevents the doing of what needs to be

i'll quit when what needs to be done is done. until then, tell your Children for
me, =not= to begin smoking. afterward, i'll be able to do so myself, with the
authority of having quit

meanwhile if there's =one= Journalist, from anywhere, who will 'just' Honor Truth
(not with respect to trashing any individuals, other than me... in my case, do what
you will, as long as you Honor Truth while doing so), please get in-touch with me.

folks in "journalism" who ab-use the power and trust the Citizenry allows them can
just pound-sand.

look at all of this through my eyes. i see this sort of thing as being

K. P. Collins

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