What could I have done that I did not do?

KP-PC k.p.collins at worldnet.att.net%remove%
Sun Apr 27 12:32:19 EST 2003

Hi, 'New Zelandar'.

"BilZ0r" <BilZ0r at TAKETHISOUThotmail.com> wrote in message
news:Xns936ADB9B71778BilZ0rhotmailcom at

| Have you ever thought Ken, that if your theory
| was so great, someone would  have replied?
| Your University would have taken you with open
| arms? You would have got your help?

Yeah, that's exactly what I thought :-]

NDT is Verifiably everything I've claimed it to be.

| I can't see why you just didn't settle down a bit,
| go to grad school (Get a loan man, I did)

I've 'ached' ['itched' :-] to do exactly that, and expected that,
somehow, it'd come about.

But I was 'encumbered' in an 'atypical' way because, as I've
explained, since my research wasn't well-enough-formed at the 'time'
I was in grad school [as a non-degree-candidate trying to get into
the program; 1975-6], my Profs [with 'sympathathetic affect', BTW]
treated me like some 'poor naive soul', told me that what I was doing
was "impossible", and told me that I either had to give it up, or
give up on grad school.

It's just 'the way the cookie crumbled'. I could've explained my
Science as it then existed, but that would've taken extraordinary
efforts on the parts of my Profs, and they could see no reason to do
listen to me.

But I saw that I'd no 'right' to 'give-up' because, although it'd be
4 more years until I'd 'nailed it, I knew, then, that I was on the
right track.

I 'funded' my research via credit cards, running up what was, for me,
a large debt, I couldn't expect to be able to make ends meet in any
grad school program, even with a more than typically generous
graduate stipend - there was no way that I would've been able to make
the monthly payments on my indebtedness.

| Get a scholarship and then go through the proper means of
| diseminating your research, using language people can understand?

It's a =tiny= Hope I've had with respect to my efforts here in b.n.
The rest is moot. My Brothers paid off my credit card debt a year
ago, but I was left living from day to day, trying unsuccessfully to
find employment so that I could get back on my feet financially - so
I could, then, pursue the 'traditional' route that you discuss.

You know, if a fellow doesn't know how he'll even be able to survive
through the next month, it pretty much 'puts a damper' on his ability
to present himself in a way that convinces others to take a chance on

Plus, through all of this, I've had the 'worry' of caring for my
'mountain of paper' - my research documentation. It. alone, requires
substantial space, which translates into $ that I just don't have,
and which, because I've not been able to find employment, cannot

| I mean I've wanted to put a nail in the idea that
| MDMA causes neurotoxicity via a toxic metabolite
| camp for about 5 years, but I couldn't becasue I was
| still in high school, so I went and started the long
| road to becoming an acedemic.

I'm glad for you.

I don't expect your Profs told you to 'give up, or leave'.

Try to understand. I'm not a 'wimp'. The Problem was just out of the
grasp of 'traditio', so I had to pursue it in the only way that was
left open to me.

I tried, and tried, to make the other way work - Honestly, and with
strong effort - but just had to accept that I'd have to work 'outside
of the system'.

The work's been done for more than 20 years, but the debt I'd acrued
doing it 'shut the door'. It's hilarious. By living in a hovel with
my research materials piled to the ceiling all around me, I once got
the debt down to a couple of thousand $. Then, a book commenting on
AoK was published in Spain, and since I cannot read Spanish, I hired
a college student to type up a translation [this was before PC
translating software was known to me], and the cost of that just
'broke my back' - then I couldn't find work - then my Dad needed me
to care for him. etc. etc. etc.

You know - "God has a sense of Humor."

I'm not a 'wimp', 'New Zelandar'. It's just that the going has been
pretty 'rocky'.

I've realized that it's probably all been for the best. NDT's
understanding is 'earth-shaking', so it's probably good that it's
'seismic pressures' have been released only-gradually.

But, in two days, I'll begin my Dying, and that's exceedingly-Hard
for one who feels he's still got a lot of work left to do.

I've been here, in b.n, trying to stave-off this ending that I've
seen coming.

What can a man do if he cannot find employment through which to
sustain his Life needs? Through which he can recover from having
given-all - because that was what was required of him?

| Its obvious you know a lot of stuff, that you've picked up a lot of
| knowledge, so you should be able to fly through a masters. Getting
a loan
| isn't that hard.
| And if you do feel like replying, do you think you can keep it
under 100
| words?

Whoops! You should've said that right-off :-]

Cheers, ken

[P.S. =Thank You= for your Forgiveness. =Beautiful= stuff that Honors
your Being. HURRAH! kpc]

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