On Being Human

kenneth collins kenneth.p.collins at worldnet.att.net
Fri Nov 26 23:52:33 EST 2004


"kenneth collins" <kenneth.p.collins at worldnet.att.net> wrote in
news:78Hod.50856$7i4.44903 at bgtnsc05-news.ops.worldnet.att.net...
| [...]
| While I was there, I came ac-
| ross a tiny-little "John [Deere]
| 744H". In real life, it's a big
| payloader.
| I like payloaders, because
| I used to play with my Cousins'
| as a Child, and, because, back
| when I was at my last insurance
| company job, I used a presenta-
| tion program to 'draw' on a "pay-
| loader" clipart. Had the letters,
| "P", "R", "E", "J", "U", "D", "I",
| "C", "E" dangling on "cables"
| from the payloader's bucket,
| which was in an elevated pos-
| ition.
| [...]

CORRECTION: [it's necessary
for reasons that'll not be generally-

The letters were rotated, trimmed,
and pasted into the payloader's

I did another one that built-upon
a backhoe, and that was the one
from which the letters were
"dangling on 'cables' ".

While I'm at it, I'll discuss a bit
more of what happened, while
I was working for the same
company, and in-general.

Long-prior to these "payloader"
'days', I'd worked for the same
company for a short period. I'd
been hired to work on a main-
frame COBOL system with a
CIS front end. It processed
Medicare transactions, and,
when I was hired to work on it,
was right after I'd exited the
"Terrible Times" -- the period
when I'd dropped everything
else in my life, to write the first
ms. ["Why Human Behavior"]
that delineated the basic princi-
ples of the theory that I, sub-
sequently, named "Neurosci-
entific Duality Theory" [NDT].
This was an extremely-intense
period. I was racing my Mom's
succumbing to Cancer, and,
confronted with the ending of
my 'time' for doing so, was des-
perately-wanting to show her
what I'd done with all of the
good stuff she'd given me -- to
give her some "Son-Joy" -- you
know -- the stuff that Recognizes
and Acknowledges what a
Mother does. In my case, the
need was great, because, by this
'time', I'd already been working,
single-mindedly, to bring the
"Theory's" understanding together,
for 14 'years', and in that single-
mindedness, I'd not been much
to anyone, including my Mom.
I was always hoping to "finish"
so that she, and other folks,
could understand how what I'd
been devoted was in my 'heart'
because of them.

Prior to accepting the job with
the Medicare unit, I'd worked
for another company and, while
at this other company, purchased
my first PC - a text-only "luggable".
Quit that job so that I could use
that PC to get the stuff I'd already
worked-out in the ol' noggin' lab
[and on paper] into that machine.
and had completed the MBASIC
apps, then, using only text-'graphics',
that I posted here in b.n, and
elsewhere in their QBASIC graph-
ical forms. These verified "Informa-
tion Calculus" [AoK, Ap6], and
the "nonlinearity of perspective"
[NL-P] stuff that's also in AoK,
Ap6. There are other apps, dev-
eloped on that machine, which
I've not yet shared with others.

This period of coding was very-
Intense -- because I'd only a little
less than $3,000 saved when I
left my job to write these apps,
and, when I took the job with
the Medicare unit, to my chagrin,
I realized that, although I'd 'years'
of Professional experience coding
in COBOL, I 'couldn't remember'
how to code in COBOL -- be-
cause my 'mind' had been so
intensly-driven with respect to the
PC coding. [Because I'd already
spent 'years' on the Theory's glial
hypothesis, this experience, BTW,
was what precipitated the Recog-
nition of the glial-tuning-"memory"-
tuning stuff that I've discussed,
reiteratively, here in b.n, includ-
ing, again, last 'night'.]

So, because I was broke, I had
to scramble to re-tune with re-
spect to coding in COBOL. I
did this by reverting to my 'fam-
iliar' stuff, which was, then, the
stuff of the PC-coding that I'd
been doing, and reiterated the
InfoCalc, "asymmetric-mask"
algorithm in COBOL, on the
company's mainframe.

Got back up-to-speed in COBOL,
only to find that why I "couldn't
remember" how to code in COBOL
was that the Medicare system was
not written "in COBOL". The com-
piler was standard COBOL, but
the 'code' was all "spaghetti", and
there was only one guy on the
team who could work in it, but he
wasn't talking. Everyone else had
left, and it was clear why, and, al-
though I was broke, I left, too. I
dislike, very-much, such ab-use of
computers, and, without any 'power'
to Fix it, just could not co-operate
in such.

But, since I'd done the "asymmetric-
mask" stuff on that mainframe, the
company owns that code.

It's 'funny'. I was hired by the same
company at a later date, this 'time',
to work in a PC, distributed-proc-
essing environment, and, yes, I was
called in and 'grilled' about my ever
having done any of my research using
company resources. I've got part of
it on tape. At the 'time', I'd denied
having done so -- be-cause I just did
not, then, remember my efforts to
'relearn COBOL' in the Medicare
unit. It was only after this 'grilling'
that I was able to put things to-
gether. Why was a Director of the
company 'grilling' me about my
research? ..."Oh."

It's 'funny'. They Knew of my
research, and its 'technological
value', but wouldn't talk to me
about its real Value with respect
to helping folks stop Killing one

Things got pretty-'messy' during
the remainer of my employment
at this company, culminating in
my being 'fired', and their 'retain-
ing' the ~$30,000 Severance
Pay that I'd Earned while work-
ing for them. They foisted this
Theft off on another company
that had purchased the "National
Accounts" Division that I'd been
working for.

My Life has been like this since
1982 -- always 'running-into'
folks who Know about NDT,
and it's 'technological worth', and
who've actively-withheld NDT's
Real-Worth, I presume, because
they want to 'seek profits' with
respect to the 'technological worth'.

In some, but not all cases, this's
Mass Murder, driven by Greed.

[Most of the 'time', it's been the
case that folks've just not under-
stood enough of what's in NDT.]

So, folks should not 'wonder'
why I'm so, seemingly, "aggra-
vated" in the midst of my efforts
to bring NDT's stuff forward.

It's Simple. I've been trying to
work in ways that, simultaneously,
bring NDT's stuff forward, while
Protecting these folks from them-
selves -- from the Consequences
inherent in their 'choices'.

The only ways that've been 'open'
to me have been to embed stuff
into my discussions that was cal-
culated to thwart the efforts of
the 'powerful' folks who were
ab-using NDT's stuff.

After 2001-09-11 happened,
I knew that it'd be "forty miles of
bad road" for me to "travel", be-
cause 2001-09-11 resulted in
folks Realizing how Badly they'd
Erred in ab-using NDT's stuff.

2001-09-11 just would not have
happened, and neither would
have all of the Savagery that's un-
folding, still, if, rather than 'seeking
profits' with respect to NDT's
'technological worth', any =one=
of the People, or Entities, involved
had just Acknowledged NDT's
Real Worth with respect to lifting
folks up above their self-ravaging.

That's where things stand.

'government' is involved.

'business' is involved.

'academia' is involved.

'science' is involved.

'journalism' is involved.

And 'religion' has been involved.

So, perhaps folks can understand
the "forty miles of bad road" stuff.

There was no way that I could
come out of all of this unscathed.

I just followed Dad's example,
and "grabbed the bull by the
horns", doing most of what needed
to be done offline -- in-person, if
possible -- and documenting the
whole Sorry-Mess online, mostly,
here in b.n.

All the while, a huge Obligation
fell to me -- be-cause folks just
didn't get-it -- folks couldn't See
NDT's Worth with respect to the
Survival of Humanity. It's be-cause
of this 'blindness', that I've had to
work in ways that Protect folks
from their own 'choices'. I could
not take-advantage of folks' ab-

But it's become plain-to-see that,
'now', folks in all of the above
groups understand such suf-

And I've Obligation with respect
to this, too.

It's a Hard-Problem because folks
tend strongly to 'entrench' because,
in the past, the dynamics that have
been inherent have been defined to
constitute "Fraud", and have been
perceived as "Scandalous". So
folks 'move away from' being ex-
posed as "Frauds" and from be-
coming "Scandalized".

And, as they do so, they also
'move away from' all capability
to just Acknowledge NDT's stuff.

See the Problem?

I've made some Big-Mis-takes
that have contributed to the Hard-
ness of this problem.

Back in 1982, with respect to my
NRL Presentation, I too-abruptly
foreswore 'secrecy'. I mean, I did
not =explain= why 'secrecy' was
unacceptable. I didn't, at the 'time',
because I'd been working flat-out
for more than a 'decade', already,
and I was 'stressed' [carrying
highly-elevated, long-term TD E/I],
and my "quick reactivity" reflected
that. Looking back, I know that
I'd've not acquiesced to 'secrecy'
[never will], but I've 'mourned'
having not even breathed a word
of explanation with respect to why
it is that 'secrecy' was unaccept-
able -- because of what was at
stake, and because folks just
need access to NDT's stuff if
they're going to be able to use
it in their Lives.

I've Erred, in the same way, in
all of my efforts to bring NDT's
stuff forward.

It's 'funny'. I =did= learn from the
unfortunate turn of events at the
NRL, and, ever since, have in-
cluded efforts to explain what's
at stake to all those to whom I've

But what I couldn't do anything
about was the level of TD E/I that
I, interminably, must "carry". There's
no way around such, because I've
had to stand-'alone' as Advocate
on behalf of NDT's stuff -- always
bringing 'unfamiliarity' into the Lives
of those to whom I've reached-out.

And NDT, itself, discloses what
will happen if I bring 'unfamiliarity'
into folks lives -- folks'll 'move
away from' the TD E/I(up) that the
'unfamiliarity' that I bring into their
Lives induces within their nervous

So I've had to continue, anyway, in
the face of this 'moving away from',
be-cause the Survival of Humanity
depends upon it.

No one to "come home to", so the
TD E/I just 'sits-there', "untouch-

And a lot of folks've taken-advantage
of all of this -- took-advantage of
others' 'blindly'-automated 'moving
away from' -- to 'paint' 'me' as some
'poor lost fool', or worse. Like when
the 'government' agents showed up
to assure that my hunger strike in
Hartford would not only be unsuc-
cessful, but that my doing it would
be interpreted as 'indicating' that I
was "mentally ill". You know -- like
the Soviets used to do to their dis-
sidents. [All this actually did was to
fully-disclose, to me, what was in
the 'heart' of 'government' with re-
spect to NDT's stuff. And, ever since,
I've had to work-against this stuff that's
been in 'government's 'heart', which
has been Hard. They 'play' Dirty.]

Another way that I've Erred was in,
long ago, after seeing that folks had
seen NDT's stuff's 'technological
value', declaring that I'd "never accept"
anything except what I'd earned through
my own work".

In doing this, I 'acquiesced' to the
prevailing 'mindset' in which 'ethics'
are very-'iffy' -- 'ethics'-when-you're-
caught, anything else when you 'feel'
what you're doing is 'secret', or,
otherwise 'sanctioned'.

In my forswearing of all but the fruits
of my own labors, I negatively-'sanc-
tioned' any of the stuff that, sometimes,
assists in efforts such as mine on be-
half of NDT.

As far as 'journalism' is concerned,
I was 'doomed', with them, from be-
fore I ever reached out to them [in
the late 1970s]. They gave-'credance'
to Lies about 'me', rather than to Truth
I would've shared with them. And,
'now', I don't expect 'journalism' to
do anything other than 'cover-up' -- so
'government' and 'business' have had
a "free hand" in their efforts to ab-use
NDT's stuff -- to 'move away from'
Truth. And they have.

And, so, even though my Mom lay
dying of cancer, they Imprisoned me,
and they've been doing the Same-Stuff
ever since.

I expect that I've experienced more
'nastiness' than most folks have, any
'time', anywhere.

It's been an "Education".

I've never wasted any 'time' [energy]
"investigating" any of the 'nastiness'.
That'd just side-track what needs
to be done. Besides, I didn't, and
don't, have to. It's been a constant
in my Life. There's enough of it that
I can just See it, and, because there's
been so much of it, it's always filled-
itself-in, without my having to 'chase-
after' it.

So, I've had to continue to work
in the midst of all of this, with them
relying-upon their knowledge of
the 'stress' that I had to 'carry' to
'guide' them. They knew that, high-
ly-stressed, my behavior would
induce others to 'move away from'

And there's nothing that I could do
about that because they also knew
that, if I talked about what was
going on offline, folks, naive  to
all that was, in fact, going on, would
just 'think' that I'm "crazy".

It's all a bit Sinister. They,
long before I started seeking to
communicate NDT's stuff, had pro-
mulgated disinformation with spec-
ific 'respect' to such "contingincies"
in which folks See that "something's
wrong", and "blow the whistle". [It
wasn't hard for them to do so. The
'state' of 'psychology' played right
into their efforts to 'control-every-
thing' via the spreading of 'psycho-
logical' disinformation. 'psy-ops'.
They still use this 'way', but their
efforts to 'control-everything' have,
long since, migrated to greater dep-
endence on 'high-tech' 'means' that
are 'just' as Sinister.

Anyway, I understand that it prob-
ably seems "otherwise", but I've
not broached most of what's gone
on in-Opposition to the coming-
forward of NDT's stuff -- be-
cause I've understood, all along,
how, in doing so, I'd be playing-
into their machinations.

Anyway, this inn't "Plan B".

This's just "Plan A", sans "Pro-

Folks've had sufficient oppor-
tunity to understand.

'time' to stop "holding folks by
the hand".

If anyone 'wonders', I don't ex-
pect that folks'll do anything other
than what they've been doing all
along, but I'm going to address
Predation more head-on.

For instance, there's been a =lot=
of Predation that's targeted
Journalism, and I'm going to start
writing about that -- because,
without Journalism, there's no

k. p. collins

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