A Letter from God to the Kansas Board of "Education."

David Starrett dstarret at BIOLOGY.SEMO.EDU
Sun Aug 29 11:38:19 EST 1999


>
>By Gene Weingarten Washington Post Staff Writer
> Saturday, August 14, 1999; Page C01
> ================================
> Memo to: The members of the Kansas Board of Education
> 
> From: God
> 
> Re: Your decision to eliminate the teaching of evolution as science.
> 
> Thank you for your support. Much obliged.
> 
> Now, go forth and multiply. Beget many children. And yea, your children
>shall beget children. And their children shall beget children, and their
>children's children after them. And in time the genes that have made you
>such pinheads will be eliminated through natural selection. Because that
>is how it works. 
>
> Listen, I love all my creatures equally, and gave each his own special
>qualities to help him on Earth. The horse I gave great strength. The
>antelope I gave great grace and speed. The dung beetle I gave great
>stupidity, so he doesn't realize he is a dung beetle. Man I gave a brain.
>Use it, okay? 
> 
> I admit I am not perfect. I've made errors. (Armpit hair--what was I
>thinking?) But do you Kansans seriously believe that I dropped
>half-a-billion-year-old trilobite skeletons all over my great green Earth
>by mistake? What, I had a few lying around some previous creation in the
>Andromeda galaxy, and they fell through a hole in my pocket? 
> 
> You were supposed to find them. And once you found them, you were
>supposed to draw the appropriate, intelligent conclusions. That's what I
>made you for.  To think. 
>
> The folks who wrote the Bible were smart and good people. Mostly, they
>got it right. But there were glitches. Imprecisions. For one thing, they
>said that Adam and Eve begat Cain and Abel, and then Cain begat Enoch. How
>was that supposed to have happened? 
> 
> They left out Tiffany entirely!
> 
> Well, they also were a little off on certain elements of timing and
>sequence. So what? 
>
> You guys were supposed to figure it all out for yourselves, anyway. When
>you stumble over the truth, you are not supposed to pick yourself up, dust
>yourself off and proceed on as though nothing had happened. If you find a
>dinosaur's toe, you're not supposed to look for reasons to call it a
>croissant. You're not big, drooling idiots. For that, I made dogs. 
> 
> Why do you think there are no fossilized human toes dating from a hundred
>million years ago? Think about it. 
>
> It's okay if you think. In fact, I prefer it. That's why I like Charlie
>Darwin. He was always a thinker. Still is. He and I chat frequently. 
>
> I know a lot of people figure that if man evolved from other organisms,
>it means I don't exist. I have to admit this is a reasonable assumption
>and a valid line of thought. I am in favor of thought. I encourage you to
>pursue this concept with an open mind, and see where it leads you. 
>
> That's all I have to say right now, except that I'm really cheesed off at
>laugh tracks on sitcoms, and the NRA, and people who make simple
>declarative sentences sound like questions? 
> 
> Oh, wait. There's one more thing.
> 
> Did you read in the newspapers yesterday how scientists in Australia dug
>up some rocks and found fossilized remains of life dating back further
>than ever before? Primitive, multicelled [actually single-celled, but
>we'll forgive ya - PJS] animals on Earth nearly 3 billion years ago, when
>the planet was nothing but roiling muck and ice and fire. And inside those
>cells was . . . DNA. 
>
> Incredibly complex strands of chemicals, laced together in a scheme so
>sophisticated no one yet understands exactly how it works. 
>
> I wonder who could have thought of something like that, back then.
> 
> Just something to gnaw on.



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|  Dr. David Starrett, Director                        |
|  Center for Scholarship in Teaching and Learning     |
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