this little piss off problem

SIMMS at vmd.cso.uiuc.edu SIMMS at vmd.cso.uiuc.edu
Sat Jul 31 15:38:29 EST 1993


It just occurred to me that maybe I should explain one more thing.  I'm
not defending myself in replying to Una's post.  My attempt was to try
to get her to realize how the manner in which she said things might be
taken by many people as a real bad put-down, and then never show their
faces anywhere on the net.
     I don't need to defend myself, but i do worry about those who may
not have developed the power yet to say what needed to be said.
     If I don't post that's my business.  Having Una tell me I should post
isn't going to make any difference. Iwillpost when I find I a need to post
 for info
or whatever for my own needs.
     Therefore, anything anyone says that's intended as a putdown of me
looks pretty ridiculous.  If you think I'm whining because I think about
things and I'm not afraid to muse about them in public that's your problem.
 
     Actually, for those of you who are still bothering to read this
debate (?), I would be interested in hearing people's opinions on how
to handle people in charge who tend to be abusive (you don't even have
to agree with me that Una was abusive to respond here).  I've had
both swear words and actual objects thrown at me by advisors, and it
took me awhile to fight back.  It took me awhile to realize I could fight
back (perhaps because I didn't have a forum like this to read?) (And
before anyone gets the wrong idea -- these did happen to be advisors
who didn't seem to be able to get along effectively with anyone else
either).  I'm stronger about this now because i finally found some
people who gave me encouragement.  Putting me down has never made me
stronger and I don't know anyone else that this is true of either.
     My own approach has been letter writing.  I've never found that
there was anyone else who either would (or could -- most people I knew
were more scared of these advisors than I was) fight these battles for
me.  Oftentimes, however, I couldn't get everything out the way I wanted
to say it without some tirade interupting me if I did it in person.
I know a lot of people have thought letter writing is sneaky, but I find
it's a way of thinking very carefully about what you need and what you
want out of the person without just flying off the handle.
     Anyway, I would like to hear if Una has anymore additional comments
since my last notes.  But I would like to stop the fighting if it wold
be ok with Una (Una -- if you're still angry about something, I don't want
to make you feel I'm trying to close off discussion).  Otherwise, let's
try to turn this into something useful.  Probably all of us (with the
possible execption of one person -- well, Steve to be exact (I didn't
once again care to be viewed as trashing Una and I'm not sure Steve's
opinions are of great value(speaking of abuse))), could find something
to agree on on this subject, so why don't we talk about how to
resolve things ( or at least come to an understanding about what we
all were saying, without a lot of emotion in the package as well)
                              Laura
(folks, get my e-mail address from the top.  I'm afraid I may sometimes
be mixing up the address and I don't want to confuse people with the
wrong one.  Gosh, got to get some time to get a signature on here.
Course I could write that next chapter of my thesis first)



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