women and men in science etc

Beth Shuster eoshuster at UCDAVIS.EDU
Thu Dec 7 17:35:46 EST 1995


  Believe me, I DO understand your position.  Although I now have a child,
and am happy that I do, I sat on the fence for a VERY long time.  When my
husband & I first met, we fell into that category of "MAYBE we'll have
children someday, but NOT NOW".  The "maybe" was a very big maybe for a
very long time.  I hated being asked "when are you going to have kids",
because my answer was always "I don't know, maybe never".  I envied the
people who knew, deep down inside, whether or not they wanted kids.

  After I switched to the "parent column", I swore that I would NEVER put
pressure on people to have children because:

  a)  I could easily have ended up in the "childless by choice" category
myself and

  b)  Parenting is too exhausting and difficult a task to be undertaken by
someone who isn't committed to it.  Yes there are lots of joys, but if you
continuosly resent the very real burdens that go along with parenting, you
won't be able to appreciate the pluses!

  There are LOTS of valid reasons why someone might choose not to have
children.  This does not make them "selfish", just realistic in evaluating
their own situation!


Beth Shuster
Univ. of California, Davis
eoshuster at ucdavis.edu

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