high self-esteem and aggression

Cathy Quinones quinones at mindspring.com
Wed Feb 28 00:55:03 EST 1996

In message <3133CA18.7BA0 at qm.salk.edu> - SL Forsburg 
<susan_forsburg at qm.salk.edu> writes:
:>(Actually I think women are always looking ahead to the next
:>challenge and saying, oh look at that, rather than behind at 
:>the last one and saying, wow, look what I did!  ;-)

I am very sympathetic to this statement :)  However, one thing I've noticed 
(in myself, for instance) is that this attitude sometimes *does* mean we 
don't actually see the magnitude of our achievements.  And if we don't SEE 
what we have done, we may let opportunities pass us by.  We may have, say, 
very marketable/useful skills that we, personally, consider banal or common, 
but which in reality aren't.  Whether we like it or not, each one of us is 
responsible for our individual public relations/marketing departments.  If we 
don't toot our horns, it's quite likely nobody else will.

This whole thread [help, I can't shut up!] just reminded me of one time, a 
long time ago, when I commented about someone talking about his achievements 
and how I thought this person was being an uncouth showoff.  My dad 
categorically disagreed with me, I guess his attitude was along the lines of 
"if you got it, flaunt it" (ok, not that exactly, but, "if it's true, you 
shouldn't be afraid to let others know", false modesty is NOT a smart 
maneuver).  I think I just came to agree with him on that one.  And yes, it 
has taken me years to change my mind, because my mom's side of the family was 
of the "don't be a show off, recognition will come to you if you deserve it" 
school of thought.  

A random thought: it takes self-confidence to state one's achievements 
convincingly and without sounding like a braggart.

A reality check: update your resume or cv [check help books and actual job 
ads to figure out what's the market name of the skills you have].  Look at 
what you've got.  Would you be impressed if this was someone else's record?  
Why, why not?  I've been job hunting recently and this was kind of 
interesting:  the more I kept looking at my background and the more cover 
letters I wrote, the more comfortable I felt about talking about my 
achievements.  Conclusion: practice is involved!  Talking about oneself takes 
practice.  Maybe that's part of the reason we often sound hesitant: it's not 
that we don't believe ourselves capable, but that we haven't a practiced, 
flowing speech on the topic.  Forced to improvise, we fumble the delivery, 
forget important details, and appear uncomfortable and insecure.

Anyone care to comment on this??

Cathy Quinones			quinones at mindspring.com
http://www.mindspring.com/~mintz/coverpg.html = bird care info
Poicephalus rule!!

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