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30 min incubation

Karen Allendoerfer ravena at cco.caltech.edu
Mon Jun 2 09:40:53 EST 1997

In article <5mhtjj$qhc at infa.central.susx.ac.uk>,
Sarah King <bapk5 at central.susx.ac.uk> wrote:
>Crying- my bank manager managed to wind me up to the point of tears the
>other day on the phone.  This was very annoying as all my intentions of
>being assertive and getting my point across went to pieces. When I get
>very angry it always seems to manifest itself in tears.  I do prefer
>this to violence, but also find it quite incapacitating and wish that I
>was able to control it.  Luckily it doesn't happen very often.

At least with situations like this, I find it very helpful to have
planned out what I'm going to say.  So if I'm going to call my bank
manager I have all the information written out and organized and have
a pad in front of me, so then if s/he starts being a jerk, I can look
down at my "plan" and stay "on message" without getting distracted and
upset.  I also find that doodling (say, a picture of said bank manager
with a huge wart on his nose and spots all over his face) can help 
defuse an emotional reaction like this (on the phone).  

>	-another thing that that thread made me think of.  My supervisor
>has a very annoying habit of complimenting me on things by saying "Good
>man!". I find this pretty sexist and the first time was so shocked I
>didn't reply.  The next time I said something like "Great compliment,
>cheers" in my most sarcastic voice.  Can any one come up with a suitable
>retort for this apart from sitting him down and having a discussion
>about sexism in the workplace?  At the moment I don't have the time or
>the energy for that.

Would it work to compliment him at some point by calling him a "good 
girl" or "good lady"?  Perhaps he wouldn't get the point, though . . . 


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