spouses & mobility

Debra M. McDonough donough at UCSUB.COLORADO.EDU
Mon Jun 23 13:43:35 EST 1997

Sure, women have had kids as late as 40.  Or 45.  And incidence of birth
defects goes up with age.  And incidence of infertility goes up with age.
While one should certainly wait to have kids when/if they are ready,
anyone who is actively choosing to wait until their career is established
should be aware of and accepting of the real, biological risks which
accompany that decision.  It hardly seems fair for "the establishment" to
expect that of us.  Which reminds me of the advice I got from an
extablished female prof when I asked her what academic women can do about
family/career conflicts.  She suggested that I should have had my kids in
high school so that they would be in school themselves when I was ready
for grad school. . .  I've chosen to have them in grad school.  We'll see
where that gets me!


On 23 Jun 1997, Linnea Ista wrote:

> On 23 Jun 1997, Bharathi Jagadeesh wrote:
> > > 
> > 
> > Vineeta Pal <vp25+ at andrew.cmu.edu> writes
> > > why? maybe for someone who seriously wants to put her career before
> > > anything else, this is not amusing and maybe helpful?
> > 
> > Well, I wrote without seriously considering, but the main reason 
> > that I suggested that it's not very helpful is most peple, these 
> > days, get tenure-track positions at the age of 30-35. It is possible 
> > to delay starting a committed relationship until then (or as is more 
> > common, engage in a series of semi-committed relationships that end
> > with moves). But doing  so entails significant sacrifices, and must 
> > involve an acceptance of the possibility of never marrying, and 
> > certainly of never having children, at least for women.
> My god! I didn't realize that I was at such an advanced, decrepit age when
> I got married :-). And that I was seriously in danger of never getting
> married :-). And here I made it all the way down the aisle without
> my walker :-). Seriously, unless you are going to have a lot of children,
> 30-35 is not too late, in my opinion to start a family. I know plenty of
> women who have had them as late as 40. 
> One thing I noticed when I was in grad school is that the male post docs
> and  grad students were not marrying, or even dating, other scientists.
> They tended toward secretaries and nurses.
> For the record I married a non-scientist too. He is a computer network
> guy.
> Linnea

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