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Relationships within a discipline

yury bukhman yuryvb at JHUNIX.HCF.JHU.EDU
Mon Jun 23 09:22:27 EST 1997

My husband and I met in lab. We worked on similar projects, and have 
both graduated. We found positions at Hopkins, working in different labs
(on different campuses), and are getting ready to start looking for
jobs. A few problems we encountered/are encoutering-
1- not defending at the same time
2- frustration when one of us is having a crappy time in lab and the
other one isn't
3- what we will do if we can't find jobs together (we have two kids and
the main thing we decided, before getting married- no prolonged
separations- it kills too many marriages and is unfair to kids)

We have dealt with the problems as best we could as follows-
1- I finished first and spent a semester lecturing and then working on
multimedia educational tools for laboratories (videos, html documents
etc). Both jobs were great and helped me define my career goals,
teaching philosophy etc.  In my opinion, not wasted time, but we'll see
if it looks like wasted time when I apply for "real" jobs.

2- We've both had our frustrating times in lab.  Its very hard to be
excited about your partner's great result when the simplest experiements
haven't worked in weeks.  We both just deal with it. It is a much bigger
problem than either of us expected though.

3- We're kind of planning on the " best overall fit"- whether either of
us gets a dream job, both of us, neither of us... we don't know.  There
is always Taco Bell. 

The benefits are pretty great too though- we can talk about work, and we
do. We have both proofread fellowship applications, looked and listened
to practice talks and asked relevant questions, and covered for the
other one by watching the kids so the gel could be loaded or the assay
could be run.  

Paula Schlax

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