Emotional reactions..

[Linnea Ista]

On 28 May 1997, Robin Panza wrote:

> > So, why is venting "I'm angry, I feel violent" acceptable,
> > 	(no, violence would not be acceptable)
> > while venting "I'm frustrated, I feel like crying" unacceptable?
> > 
> > It seems both responses are irrational to some extent.  One is 
> > tradtionally male, while the other response is traditionally female.  So, 
> > is this sexism, or is there something deeper I'm missing?
> > 
> > -Sharon
> 
> No, you got it right.  Unacceptable but traditionally male behavior seems OK to
> many men, while a traditionally female reaction is not.  I think many men are
> made very uncomfortable in the presence of tears.  It is something that, to
> them, is an extreme reaction (how much would it take to make those men cry?)
> and they probably feel rather helpless in the face of this "alien" behavior.
> On top of that, it's considered "sissy" behavior. They understand and can
> empathise with desire to be violent, so have no trouble with hearing about it.
> Let me restate that I don't accuse all men of being this way, but many are.  I
> think they are as bothered by crying as we are of violence.

I would like to add a caveat here. As someone who has survived domestic 
violence, I think that I can safely say that my crying has somewhat less 
severe implications than a man's expression of the same emotions 
violently. No one has ever been killed by someone's tears. Certainly the 
facial scar I sustained was not caused by someone's tears, rather by 
someone's fist! 

I think it is important to remember that sometimes violent expressions of 
rage have real destructive results!

Linnea