Emotional reactions..

[Trina Roberts]

Julia Frugoli (JFRUGOLI at BIO.TAMU.EDU) wrote:
> equal sadness or helplessness.  Every advice I've ever heard on the 
> subject (retaining professionalism while having emotions) suggests that 
> you get away as rapidly as possible, without solving the problem, have 
> it out alone, and then come back.  Anyone have other suggestions?  


I also have this problem--I cry very easily when I'm frustrated or
annoyed.  I find it an alternative to getting angry sometimes: at a car
rental place which was wreaking havoc with carefully-laid travel plans, I
surprised my roommate by starting to cry.  It's a way of dealing with a
particular kind of stress--I could externalize it and yell, scream, push
people around, or I could internalize it and watch it turn into tears.  I
generally prefer to avoid confrontation and keep it inside.

I've also found, though, that people are embarassed by tears because they 
don't know how to react, and that they're happy enough to take a cue from
me: instead of going away and coming back I can ignore my own tears and
let them do the same.  I ended up crying in a mathematical argument with
some close friends, but kept arguing, and they took their cue from me and
did not try to be sympathetic or back down; they let it be my problem and
accepted my way of dealing with it without interfering. This works only
for people who understand me well enough to know that they don't
necessarily need to comfort me, but it is another way of dealing with it.


--Trina


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Trina E. Roberts * Biology '97
troberts at fas.harvard.edu
http://www.fas.harvard.edu/~troberts