Did we have it all and lose it?

Una Smith una at mars.its.yale.edu
Wed Aug 26 10:51:24 EST 1998

ravena at alumni.princeton.edu (Karen Lona Allendoerfer) writes:

>My sense is that the "if you can't be supermom, you just shouldn't
>bother" crowd is awfully loud and vocal, and their sniping takes a
>lot of effort to ignore.

I have never understood why so many people dish out such nastiness.
Or why so many people on the receiving end put up with it.  It takes
a lot of effort to listen to these nasty comments and then dismiss
them.  It is a lot easier to ignore them in the first place.  To do
so, though, it helps to be very sure of yourself, or very isolated. 

Stark decisions are good.  When the choices are clear, I think it is
easier to know which one you want.  What's hard is being indecisive.
I used to worry about the decisions I hadn't yet made, until I read
a self-help book by Susan Page.  I realized that being indecisive on
some issues is okay, and I made a stark decision to stay indecisive 
about most of the things I'd been worrying about, but stop worrying.
And I made a few decisions about other things that had been worrying
me.  Suddenly, all the effort that had been going into worry became
available for other, vastly more enjoyable activities.

One thing I decided was to avoid personal conversations with anyone
who gives me gratuitous nasty-grams.  They aren't worth the effort.  
Nor do I repeat, think about, or talk about them.  And I don't read
women's magazines, etc.  I even stop reading this newsgroup whenever
the agony-aunt quotient gets too high.

	Una Smith		Department of Ecology and Evolutionary Biology
        			Yale University
	una.smith at yale.edu	New Haven, CT  06520-8106

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