Those without kids

Linnea Ista lkista at unm.edu
Thu Apr 27 03:40:44 EST 2000


Deirdre,

It is clear that although you expect empathy and understanding about your
situation, you  have none for mine.  Your troubles are REAL whereas mine are only
anecdotal.  You also seem to know all about what my life is like (in terms of my
disposable income. Exactly how much is that, by the way? You might be surprised! in
terms of my health-- as it turns out I DO get quite a few colds, always have.  And
most of them these days get filtered from coworkers with kids in daycare.). And
this is based on the fact that you were once childless yourself.

To reiterate, I am in general supportive of the folks in my lab who have kids.  I
have people with kids in my "village" and feel it is part of my personal obligation
to fit the kids of my friends into my life as much as I can.  I support family
friendly policies.  However much you don't want to admit it or  wish to excuse it,
those of us without children do get  quite a lot of condescending "your life is so
easy compared to mine" attitude. Go back and read your own notes if you don't think
anyone does it! And I do not roll my eyes when someone's  sitter bails. Where the
heck did you get that?

I must respond to one thing.  You  claim to not understand how my life is different
now at 36 than it was at 25.   It is because I have assumed more responsibility for
things. I have taken on other roles outside of work that I would not have at 25. I
am also married, which makes a big difference.  I have found that my friendships
have become more rich, but also more time-intensive.

All I am asking is that while you are trying to keep balls in the air, realize that
even those of us without kids are doing that too. To you, they may not seem as big,
or as important, but they are what makes up our life, and are important  to us.
THAT IS ALL I AM SAYING!

Linnea






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