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Extrapyramidal Pathway Function Answers - "!!Retrospective Foresight!!"

David West djwest at hotmail.com
Sat Apr 17 01:54:27 EST 1999

Welcome To My Sixteen Year 
Nervous Breakdown

Diagrams, graphs and tables are excluded from this article - for the
article complete with diagrams, pictorials and graphs, please email
me: djwest at hotmail.com

(c) Copyright, 1998 

Author: David West


To be read first with understanding!!!!		- Appendix I	

Disclaimer and Fore Thought     .	.	.	- Section 1
Prelude						- Section 2
Memorable Quotes.	.	.	.	- Section 3
A Different Perspective and Human Nature 		- Section 4
Introduction	.	.	.	.	- Section 5
The Innocent Question				- Section 6
Introduce A Head Injury	.	.	.	- Section 7
Speech vs Motor Control				- Section 8
Convention Rehabilitation	.	.	..	- Section 9
Development of Movement and Sensation	 	- Section 10
 Introduction to Calculus and Graphs		- Section 11 + 12
Time Is Only An Abstract Concept	.	.	- Section 13
Logic Behind Extra Pyramidal Pathways!		- Section 14
Table of Problems (Propagation of Error)	.	- Section 15
The Answer!!!!!!					- Section 16
Hypothermia	.	.	.	.	- Section 17
Repairing and Creating Cells			- Section 18
Inherent Mistakes by Definition.	.	..	- Section 19
Neurons and  Simplistic Explanatory Diagrams	- Section 20
For Arguments Sake	.	.	.	- Section 21
Miscellaneous and Drugs				. Logical Thought
Sudden Infant Death Syndrome 
Retragade Amnesia of Breathing?			- Section 22 + 23
Meeting Familiar Faces (Just after injury)	.	- Section 24
Another Ridiculous Thought!						
      REM Gestation - Unravelling DNA	.	.- Section 25
Answers To Questions.....				- Section 26
Alcohol Dependency				- Section 27
Illustration of Retragade amnesia.			- Section 28 +
A Binary Tree Of Building Blocks For Learned Tasks.- Section 30
Water Skiing					- Section 31	
A Habit Forming Bodily Function			- Section 32
Mutual Exclusion of Tasks 	.	.	.	.	.
Left Brain / Right Brain 					
Addictions					- Section 33
Solutions 	.	.	.	.	 - Section 34
Summary					 - Section 35
Author's Contact Details				 - Section 36
The Latest....
The Latest Unordered Random Thoughts			- The last few
      (May Have Credence and May Not? I don't morally agree with most
unedited ideas!!!!!)

Section 1

All graphs and diagrams in this article are drawn in text only format.
For clarity of illustrations please email me and I will send you the
Word Document complete with graphic files. Email: djwest at hotmail.com


No part of this summary may be reproduced in any way shape or form
without express permission of the Author. Don't even think about it!
The ideas contained herein have been formed at great monetary expense
to myself. These ideas are very personal when taken in context!!!!  I
expect full credit for my ideas. I expect to receive a large
commission if my ideas have any substance whatsoever!

If you happen to find a mistake in my reasoning (or mathematics)
please take the mistake as a given and read on. My mistakes come from
my misguided application of education and conflicting levels of
Acquired Knowledge1 over the last 31 years. I have not been corrected
at a professional level. It is my opinion; I've wanted to keep it that
way.  I have tried to keep these thoughts in line with my personal
understandings of my situation.

My understandings come from the dissatisfaction at my physical being
versus my understanding of my physical being. Acquired knowledge is
the key to my understandings - answering questions rhetorically.
Arriving at the wrong conclusions were just as important as arriving
at the right conclusion. These ideas are the result of 16 years of
suppressed verbal skills!

The questions were always in the answer to previous questions.
Murphy's Law: if something can go wrong it will. Inertia of
propagating inertia. We learn from our mistakes. Laws of Life: if
something can happen, it will: Momentum of propagating momentum.
Striving for better way. We generally don't repeat mistakes on most

There is much I haven't included in my account so please feel free to
think for yourself  in certain sections - much inference is given to
the intended points by the use of question marks "???". This being the
notation for a 'thought bubble' - I'm not interested in the answer. To
understand my logic as well as I do, you have to think. More
understanding is derived if you work out things for yourself. Please
read, re-read and read again from a different perspective. Discuss
points raised with your colleagues. I would prefer to answer any
questions in writing on any point contained herein as I have a slight
problem with verbal memory. My address is included in the Summary in
(Section 30)

In my life I've read 4 novels - in total, the last being science
fiction by Carl Segan and the necessary text books to further my
studies in Process Instrument and basic electronic theory, Electrical
theory and Computing. 

Section 2

Where there's a will, there's always a way!
 Where there's a way, there is always a better way!
"Bring on parallel existences"

I was looking for an answer regarding my reflex-like dog-paddle in my
hemiplegia affected arm while panicking. Through my many months of
tedious research in early 1992, Dr Kakulas gave me the answer. Full
credit goes to him and everyone else who has had input to my acquired

Many thanks to everyone who could be bothered answering my initial
queries. Your willingness to share your reasoning behind my problem
was very much appreciated. Sixteen years on and I've had time to think
about everything. Thinking, thinking about thinking and rhetorical
thinking! All my of "Memorable Quotes" by Doctors are from 6-8 years
ago who read and had input to Appendix I. It's these opinions that add
credence to my reasoning..

The Open-Learning Channel on European Cable TV whilst in Europe
(Origins of Life) helped me arrive at this reasoning coupled with my
acquired-knowledge of the last 17 years of life. Also having bearing
was applicable life travel stories and  the acquired knowledge by
re-assertion of Darwinism2.

Having fixed ideas is stagnancy of progress - in life, false ideas get
in the way of progress. I am only someone who can be dismissed by
others for the simple reason of their superiority and their greater
experience in the field of rehabilitation.

Author: David West 

Section 3
Memorable Quotes 

Having the opinions of specialist's worldwide builds credibility to my
eventual conclusions. I've included these quotes to credit individual

"..surprise as to why skydiving did not make my arm move", Dr P D
Thompson - Neurology Dept - School of Medicine in London ((()
"..using the alternate pathways to regain functional motor movement",
Dr B Brucker Ph.D Biofeedback Program at University of Miami ((()
"It is not surprising that some transient motor function was possible
in a monoplegic limb during an emergency situation.", Dr Robert A
Fishman M.D ((NICNDS in USA)
".. by learning meditation, you may be able to concentrate the motor
centres in the brainstem at will", Professor Istvan Tork (((()
(Neurological Professor at University of NSW)
".. The reflex dog-paddle is typical of your injury but as yet there
is no way of reproducing this movement at will." - Robert A Fishman MD
( ((() (NICNDS in USA)
".. the movement I experienced is typical under the circumstances I
described", Norman Oliver (
 ".. A thorough biofeedback session for left and right arms, testing
the arms reactions under different cognitive and postural task
conditions may yield some helpful information", Janet Whitta, Clinical
Psychologist at University of Devonport in Tasmania (( (()
"....Amnesics made an unsuccessful attempt to utilise the "alternate
connections" to improve severe memory difficulties",  Michael Hunt
((() (Neuropsychologist At Royal Perth Rehab')
"....does your arm feel the same as it used to...?", Ms Bennet3

Miscellaneous Quotes 

"..getting the hand and arm to act normally if I could be induced into
a panic situation under hypnosis", David West 
"..the panic involved with virtually drowning is not comparable to the
panic of skydiving and my arm had no need to function", David West
"..why do I hyperventilate when I consciously move my right hand near
my face?", David West
"..Retragade amnesia has a functional place in forming habits...",
David West 
"..if God proves He exists, He disappears in a Puff of Logic...",
Douglas Adams
"..in stone's throw of Loch Ness with the full knowledge that my
camera's out of film.", David West 
"..wanting to Psychoanalyse my Psychiatrist...", David West
"..I should've known not to injure the brain in the first place!",
David West

Everyone had their own opinions (including me) - I've worked out my
own now!

Section 4

A Different Perspective - The Animal Instinct

Why does a dog stop wagging its tail once you start stroking him? 

The muscles being stroked generally go into spasm taking the focus off
its tail. Is this a surrogate reaction for the wagging tail?
Dogs have short-term memories difficulties.
A dog with a wagging tail less intimidating.

Human Nature

The "good old days" are only that when viewed in retrospect.
Selectively choosing your memories of the good-old-days is reliving
your past in a better light. Like wagging tails in anticipation -
that's animal behaviour. Are we regressing ourselves to our animal
instincts when we look back into our memories?

Section 5

"All the king's horses and all the king's men - couldn't give me a
straight answer. So I came up with my own - answer"

Sixteen years since the accident and one question had remained

Why did my arm and hand function normally in 1985 while panicking?
(Post Hemiplegia)

My reasoning is quite straight forward in intermediate stages but very
complex on the whole.
Most of this reasoning is above and beyond my understandings but I can
understand fully when applied to my situation. Life happens but why
and how does it happen....... this is the core of my answers to
questions and questions to answers. 

Many of my realisations were derived by the interaction and experience
of meeting 100's of people over the last 18 months whilst travelling
in Europe. This booklet has been pieced together from many different
levels; I just filled in the gaps!

Section 6

The Innocent Question

I was asked about my arm by Ms Bennet while in Europe - someone who
knew very little about my problem. She asked very reluctantly: does
your arm feel the same as it used to? She was a little embarrassed
about bringing up the topic of my arm. I said confidently - as if to
reassure her inquisitive nature: "Yes, perfectly normal! Exactly as it
was." (I'm comfortable discussing my problems with friends).

Upon thinking about my statement, I later realised the complexity of
the problem. Sensation of movement and movement, are closely linked to
feedback. My sensory perception is not linked to how my arm should
feel under its present conditions. The areas are at different levels -
different from how they are meant to be linked under post injury
conditions if normal movement is expected from my right side. When
muscles have this confusion, they go into spasm - the normal animal
instinct. Self-perpetuating confusion. Animal instinct - brain stem

My arm used to rise uncontrollably when over stimulated by receiving
too much stimuli from the wrong levels - anticipation, confusion,
suppressed verbal ability, misguided emotions. etc. Jega - my Ward One
Physiotherapist - simplified her complex understanding and said it was
increased tone.

This movement of my right arm was a function of the brain stem: the
prehistoric part of the brain. The movement was wrong because the
brain isn't geared to understand this new damaged structure (post head
injury) of movement versus sensation. Spasms are in fact Inertia of
Propagating results.

The spasm is an animal instinct. The brain is trying to revert back to
the animal instinct to bring out the movement but spasms are
counterproductive in a brain damaged environment i.e. lacking in
feedback. So, the more spasm, the more difficult the intended movement
is to initiate. Self perpetuating logic. The spasm is a natural
response - more natural than movement itself - in a manner of
speaking. Spasms fighting spasms. Development of correct movement is
Momentum of Propagating Results.

Reflex Grasp: For a short time after I awoke from being semiconscious,
I had a reflex-grasp in my right hand. I was assured by a nurse babies
display this as newborns. The movement was natural - the sensation
during this period was hypersensitive - ticklish for the want of a
better word. I had the sensation on my hand of a new-born but I was
17. A 17 year old who couldn't eat, swallow properly, walk, talk. etc.

Circumcision of babies as newborns is commonplace. They don't feel
anything; the sensation of this normally painful procedure cannot be
quantified by the brain so they don't feel a thing. It is not
registered as pain as such - just a part of the parent's belief that
it is the right thing to do. There are two ways of looking at this:

Introducing a baby to this imaginably painful procedure at birth may
be a good thing - it also may not! This could be considered very
therapeutic in that the sensation is quantified as a baseline for
pain. Babies don't feel pain though. A "slightly" forbidden experiment
could be to circumcise one the baby boys of identical twins. One
hundred sets of twins should be enough.

Then again newborns have enough to cope with after the 9 month ordeal
in the womb!

Note: 	This is another area I know very little about!

The Erection is an animal instinct used specifically for the function
of reproduction! Erections are an animal function of the brain stem -
a functional use of sexual-confusion. The male has reduced control
over this. (Brewer's droop is a misguided sexual confusion about being
sexual-confused......correct me if I'm wrong?)

After  birth we have little control over motor movements. We have to
learn from the beginning. It is the first 3 years of life that are
critical to proper development. (Conducting  "The Forbidden-
Experiment" would only confirm what we already know) Each function of
the brain starts from its beginning - a top-down approach. Areas of
the brain can only develop properly if every part of the brain is at
the same stage.

Imagine learning a secondary skill before learning its predecessor.
Like learning to walk before crawling. Post HI, I remember starting
from zero. Re-learning how to roll over in bed, swallowing, sucking
ice,  re-learning speech, re-learn eating habits, balance and the
ability to shift weight from side to side....... Relearning how to do
everything in order of an imaginable hierarchy. A hierarchy that would
vary with each case of HI. Please refer to Diagram I in Section 20 for
added clarity of the confusion caused by a HI.

Consider a,b,c,d as tasks to be learnt - this might be the movement of
the four individual fingers.

It would be: 
	a-> b-> c -> d -> ...
but should it be:  
	a->(a)b-> (ab)c -> (abc)d -> d..... The knowledge of
performing 'b' requires the implied
				            knowledge of 'a' and so

This reasoning allows a new levels of reasoning....

Section 7
Introduce a Head Injury

The inherent nature of conventional rehabilitation is a bottom-up
approach. Building new movement based on incorrect sensation - this is
conventional rehabilitation. 

By the age of 3 most gross movement is learned. Then age 5 to 12 the
finer movements including hand writing are learned. My bodily function
follows the same logarithmic (or is it exponential4 ) curve based on
these two areas of brain-movement and brain-sensation. The combined
effect of starting from scratch.

I hadn't ever come across logarithms being used in an applicable
sense. My knowledge of exponential curves springs from my 1983 studies
of Electrical Theory at TAFE. In 1984 I started an Apprenticeship in
Instrument Fitting. This is where my maths knowledge of Boolean
Algebra, exponential and logarithmic curves. I failed Electrical
Circuits 2a - this is my only introduction to Calculus. 

There will always be enough neurons to complete a task; its whether
neurons are allocated the sub-tasks efficiently remains to be seen.
There is no going back when neurological patterns are firmly

Section 8
'Speech'  Recovery

My speech has all but recovered - the ability to verbalise individual
words was hampered by a very weak palette in the early stages. Eight
months after the accident I started wearing a palatal lift for a few
hours a day - it was very  successful! Afterwards I could verbalise
any individual word or read complete sentences but due to a verbal
memory deficit / poor verbal memory I was restricted in my speech.

Verbal Memory Deficit - A tangible problem that entails the inability
to 'think' of the correct word for the context of meaning. Words were
on the tip of my tongue perpetually! I'd think of what I was going to
say - start saying it and have a mental block at some word in the
intended sentence because of the ability to regress myself mentally to
the state where the word was thought of. Imagine the dilemma having a
psychological block placed on the next word of a previously well
thought out sentence. Welcome to my world!

I have less problems with words starting  with a vowel. The reason is
the preposition before "a whatever" or "an whatever". This gives a
clue as to what I'm trying to say - there are less options with words
with vowel beginnings. 

Counting from 1 to 10 - a relatively easy task.   Starting at 1, the
next number is 2 but a psychological block might be  placed on 2
because of thinking about 3 and your conscience is aware that you've
already said 1. And the thought of this problem continuing for the
next 10 steps. That's why I only gave short answers because of a
self-doubt that I would be able to explain what I'd said. ("Like
counting grains of sand accurately on a windswept beach" Loosing count
and having to start again was the worrying thing)

Disconcerting when confusion over every other task exists. Counting
from 1 to 10 was not a problem for me because the sequence of numbers
was habitual - no need to think. There is only one way to count from 1
to 10 - language is a different story, "a different story is
language", "a story that is different is language" , "different
language story" , "language story different" , "story different

Different: dissimilar, unlike, ???, odd, strange, unconventional...???
Language: ta???, speech, tongue, talk, dialect....???
Story:  report - sp??? - speech, description, allegation - 'alligator'
, theme, account,  narration - summary - tale ......????

Consider my confusion when thinking of the word: Story. Then saying
the word: description and having a self-conscious doubt that it
would've been more appropriate to say: "alligator" (allegation).
Verbal memory is less problematic with fewer options. This is why I
show a reluctance in choosing vowel starting words. 

A or An - vowel starting words have a narrower set of choices but
conscious self thought has obstructed my delivery. "An Aeroplane" or
"A plane". After saying one of these I would think of the other.
Saying individual words was easy - it was the confusion from all other
influences that was difficult. Is the verbal version of the spasm
becoming any clearer? Is a Verbal Memory Deficit becoming any clearer.

"I don't know what to say and/or I don't know what not to say and/or I
don't know if I can say it given my abilities." It is here when the
sub-conscious of the self-conscious tends to take over.  Stage fright
- a "spasm" on a verbal level!! I still have a verbal memory problem!
Speaking comes easier now - conscious thought had to be given to each
individual phase of speech.

An Example:

A friend in Liverpool was writing to a mutual friend in Chicago. I was
trying to remember my nickname that he gave to me so she could write
in the letter I said "hello". I couldn't think on the spur of the
moment. The very instant she sealed to the envelope I remembered my

My right side problems were the same as for speech on a different
level - a self perpetuating problem... made worse by the underlying
problem of  head trauma. Every imaginable problem at once.

"Like trying to score a goal by kicking in your own net" 

Keep scoring goals in your own net and one of your opponents will
score in theirs - guaranteed! You are changing the rules.... imagine
the loser becoming the winner. After some time the best team would
eventually win regardless! Human nature...

Like continually expecting your car-keys to fit your neighbour's front
door but keep trying just in case.  The correct key but the wrong hole
- the correct movement but the wrong sensation - the correct word but
the wrong context. 

Section 9

Conventional Rehabilitation

Conventional rehabilitation hasn't overly helped me in a physical
sense with finer motor control. A better approach would be to try and
correct these problems from the stage before as in Feldenkrais. I have
a basic knowledge of the workings of Feldenkrais. Using the alternate
pathways in changing bodily function.

Orthopaedic surgery after HI can be advantageous in that new levels of
bodily ability are introduced. Orthopaedic surgery must be performed
as soon as possible! If there is limited bodily movement through
muscle shortening, the brain assumes this is the maximum movement
since it is constantly trying to improve itself on an exponential

Compare a graph of the injured brain advances in bodily function to
that of a developing infant Each step is to the infant's best
abilities given its options. 

Mathematics: This is where the level of my understandings of maths
becomes clear when applied to the justification of my movement verses
sensation. It's too deep for my understanding of any application
outside these bounds.

			         Physical Recovery from HI
Normal Growth from
Injured Curves. 	
	       Age       "					
	in Years       "					The
later the onset of injury, the less 		     16
capable of recovery. It's a fact!!
		       8					These
three curves are basically
mirrors of themselves - the mirror line
being the extent  to which the brain will
recover based on the original head
		       0         .

 	Time  of	   	             %  of recovery

(For complete graphical description, please email me.)

*The graphs for development of speech, psychological, problem solving
and memory would be of a similar basic curve. The extent of damage all
depends on the region of the HI. If I knew how to draw a 3D graph my
illustration would be much clearer. 

How well people recover is governed by their age. Is potential
recovery seeded logarithmically by the age at which the injury
occurred? A graphical comparison can be made between conception and
onset of HI.

My damaged brain has repaired itself with an innate understanding of
my damaged brain!

People with Down's Syndrome have 1 extra chromosome - if they were
allowed to mate with other DS maybe at sometime in the next stage of
evolution, they would produce other "better" more advanced 29
chromosomed human beings - similar  to Aliens - I'm joking of
course!!!!!!!!!!!!! But you know what I mean. It's answering logic
questions retrspectively. 

Would the offspring of a mountain gorilla with Down's Syndrome
successfully mate with a human?

Section 10 

Development of Movement and Sensation
Explained Further:

	Movement log(Sensation) + Sensation log(movement) 
			="log(time)" =
new (log [ Movement log(Sensation) +  Sensation log(movement)]

This would simultaneously occur time and time again until a relaxed
state is reached.
	m log(s) == s log(m)  	  For any given coordinated movement,
sensation of movement 
	       ='change'=		   has to be recognised.
      new( m log(s) == s log(m) ).........

Substitute:  Sensation log(movement) with the combination of
{Movement log(Sensation) + Sensation log(movement) AND log(time)} ....
and keep on going... A perfect balance for the premium ability of
sensation versus movement.

But Extra Pyramidally

new: sensation log(movement) == movement not( log(sensation) )
 new: s log(m not(log s)) ==  m not(log(not(log m)))......

Is the mathematical illustration of extra pyramidal pathway use
becoming any clearer?

Section 11 + 12

Would the movement have a logarithmic curve and sensation an inverse
Each seeded with the other simultaneously? 

Percentage			Percentage
Movement			Sensation
Feedback			Feedback
|				    |			The difference between the two at any   |				    |			one time would be an imbalance trying
|                                                          |                                      to equalise itself in the form of move-.
|				    |			ment. It stops when correct sensation is 
|				    |			realised!
|                                                          |
|	       			    |	
|-----------------------------	Percent of  |----------------------  Percent of
Initiation		Sensation    Initiation	       Movement

(For a better illustration of graph please email me to receive the
Word Document)

Calculus may be used in this example.

Delta ( movement log (sensation) = Delta ( sensation log (movement) =
Is this the mathematical representation of movement vs sensation?

 Delta( sensation log (movement) = Delta ( sensation log (movement) =
Is movement initiated by sensation in extra-pyramidal pathway use?

Both curves and differences are realised simultaneously. Would Pie be
used for calculating the quantity of difference in movement vs

My reasoning with Calculus is very much in doubt because I've only
ever come across 'delta' for calculating the reverse breakdown voltage
of diodes in 1993. This is my only introduction to Calculus. Where
there is a cause and consequence to be calculated simultaneously. I
can't explain this use of Delta - I think it has something to do with
the simultaneous recursion from the initiation of states.

Electronic devices do not have retrospective foresight - this is why
they don't evolve. Inertia of propagating results. If diodes had the
innate ability to adjust their voltage  handling abilities by
consciously not having regard for the breakdown voltage of the diode,
they would evolve. This is where the DNA of cells comes into it.
Understanding the reasoning behind the ability to do the impossible is
the reasoning behind .... walking on water. 

Sensation vs movement - which came first? The movement or sensation.
Movement did but life had to find a better way so sensation was added.
Are Yogi's regressing there make up to the body's sensation status
before it was introduced?? Initiating the movement by propagating
sensation AND the sensation is never quantified.

A Fictional Thoughts from the Twilight Zone

Is the AIDS virus a self-replicating life-form with DNA which in turn
is seeded with 
a different DNA on each split? A virus DNA with no need for
retrospective-foresight because it's already built in. I do not think
this idea was mine!

The AIDS virus has always had the potential to exist .... so it
did.... it didn't know why...... but mistakes in life are

Section 13

"Time is Only an Abstract Concept.."

Time cannot be quantified. A better definition is "a difference in
states from one to another" Time is only a pointer to different stages
of delta in our past. Our past being an influence to our future.

Section 14


Rather than the movement being initiated from the muscle (movement),
the  movement is initiated from the sensation!! Pain cannot be
ignored! You can't have one without the other. The answer is in the
first step. Realising this I should be able to walk on hot coals but
arm movement is my first choice. Absolute concentration on
not(sensation) while subconsciously realizing movement on a conscious

To criticise my logic you will first have understand my logic - my
maths may not be correct but my logic is. Try inserting
extra-pyramidal values into the Table II in Section 20.

Why are allergies worse in the morning after 8 hours of alpha waving?
Because the body has consciously (not) forgotten how not to cope with
these allergies. Because having a blocked nose doesn't bother you when
sleeping - sometimes. Just guessing!

Could life be replicating on a logarithmic exponential life form
seeded with the inverse logarithm? It would seem so if head injuries
are anything to go by!!

At another level - the mind is the parasite of the brain - the body is
the parasite for the brain - social conscience is the mind's tangible
influence. Life has a habit of repeating itself on every level.

Going any further with this type of talk will just show my ignorance
to my understanding of what I'm talking about. A lesson in
self-recursive Boolean expressions coupled with every level of the
modes of the brain and mind and brain/mind may help! A refresher
course on Calculus might be needed.

Section 15

Table of Difficulties:

 My psychological problems were closely related to my physical
problems - psychological problems on a physical level.

Probable Causes

My Solutions...Explanations

Difficulty with speech 

Not knowing how to initiate the sound  and initially a weak palette

Practise......allocating grey matter and use of a palatal lift

     "                  "
     "                  "
     "                  "

Verbal communication problems
Low Self Esteem because of my problems: verbal and physical
Mixing with people - exploring my limits

     " 	           "	
Lack of confidence / Lack of assertion
Faith in myself - Accepting this 
lack gave me faith in overcoming it

     "                  "
              ''                          " 
''                          "

Difficulty moving arm	
 Lack of correct feedback - too cold - too uncomfortable - trying too
Conditioning myself not to think too hard and practise at using the
incorrect pathways. This is the wrong approach to fixing the problem!

     "                  "
''                          "
''                          "

Extra Pyramidal Function
Life threatening Situation / Extreme Pain / Consciously not thinking -
ignoring pain by entering a comfort zone.
Feedback is ignored in this instance!! Sensation is of no consequence
to being dead. My brain blocked out the sensation - incorrect as it
may be. An arm with no regard for feedback. Fire Walkers!

Note: Each problem cannot exist without the one before. Self
perpetuating problems.
Alternate Pathways: They come into being when feedback isn't an issue
and when the pathways' uses are critical to survival (animal/brain
stem function) or when the art of sub-consciously not thinking is
attained. Meditation to allow fire-walking.

Stuttering  - I don't have a problem with this but if I did, having
absolute faith in the correct delivery 
would give no reason to stutter in the first place. An
over-self-conscious doubt in the foreseeable delivery of speech in the
stutterer is the underlying problem. Feedback (hearing) is on a
different level to the initiation of sound (voice). Is hearing out of
synch' with the speech? 

Section 16

The Answer 

Alternate Pathway use while Panicking

Feedback is ignored in this instance. Sensation is of no consequence
to being dead. My brain blocked out the sensation - correct or
incorrect as it may have been. An arm with no regard for feedback.
Reasoning behind pain being blocked in extreme circumstance. Nothing
else mattered. A "physical challenge" to control breathing! Movement
with no regard for the stage before - sensation versus movement were

This "movement" would have the feedback coming from the foreseeable
terror of my head being submerged!! Reducing this 'miracle' to a stage
of retragade amnesia would make it a habit. Then I would not have to
think about it - have to think about it - not not have to think about
it? - not (not have to think about it!)

Confidence in Water - or lack there of!

I breathe in every time my head is submerged. Why do I breath in water
after 16 years of this problem? Trying so hard not to breathe water,
my brain stem (sub-conscious) takes over and confuses arm movement
with breathing. Both are brain-stem functions. My arm movement centres
in the brain-stem were damaged. This reason is physiological. However,
after an hour of skiing, my immediate response to my head being
submerged is contentment with myself and I don't breathe in. Does
using the right side muscles have anything to do with it?

When a baby learns movement, is this the intrinsic use of
extra-pyramidal pathways? Is this why a baby's movements are so
uncoordinated? Remembering that all motor movements are learned after
child-birth. Hypothalamic functions excluded - heartbeat and
temperature. The rate of breathing is a extra-pyramidal function. An
extra-pyramidal function that has responded to environment. Breathing
in while panicking is a panic response for impending hypothermia. 

Section 17

The brain wants all oxygen in life threatening situations when
hypothermia is taking place. In Switzerland I took a shower and the
water went cold - very cold; my head was under the shower head. I got
an ice-cream headache. Is this hypothermia setting in? Oxygen rushing
to the brain and a splitting headache.

When the brain is developing it uses its 6 senses to gauge what it
thinks is the best for the given environment. Did we breathe in
oxygenated liquid at some stage of our gestation or going back further
evolution??? When all options are closed, do we naturally regress to
our breathing liquid phase? Is this why I hyperventilate when my arm
and hand is near my face - I'm regressing to the brain-stem level.
Foetus position? Is this why my Achilles tendons needed lengthening
after the coma stage? 

Alternatively, the brain is being regressed to its brain stem level.
My breathing is also controlled by this area but the area can only
concentrate on one subconscious function.... the brain stem cannot
cope with my arm being embryonic AND breathing at the same time. These
functions are normally learned responses and I damaged my brain stem.
Back to basics would not be the ideal task since my arm has been
damaged at the brain stem level. What would happen to my heart rate
during this conscious extra-pyramidal use? What happens to the immune
system when the brain stem is injured?

Is it out of coincidence that body temperature rises whenever an
infection is present? The brain stem is try to kill the infection but
the body being cold leaves it open to infection. Something is a miss!
Does one assume that I would be a potential fire-walker during these
times of complete concentration in moving my fore-arm?

"Let Mummy Rub And Kiss It Better!"

When a child hurts itself, a stereotypical thing to do would be just
that. Rubbing or kissing a wound better has no other benefit than
comforting the child. The child would be comforted by the stimulation
of the sensation areas in the brain. The brain then realises a
temporary re-structuring methodology for fixing the problem. A
psychological solution with physiological benefits.

Who enjoys life more: a child or the wise old man? One day, the child
will become a wise old man - the wise old man can only ever be an old
man but is in full knowledge that he once was a child. Reliving the
past in a different light has its uses. 

Section 18
Repairing and Creating Cells

As soon as the body is injured, the body takes immediate action -
starting the logarithmic curve. How does the body know where it is on
the curve? The body repairs itself out of necessity and if it has the
ability to repair itself. 

When the brain was growing we have no memories of this time! Was
development the only function of gestation? Why would we need
conscious memories when development is a given. There's no need to
remember anything that isn't necessary for life. Retragade amnesia in
a fashion.

Moving a hand - the orderly firing of neurons in a sequence for hand
Moving a finger - the firing of the same neurons in a different
sequence for finger movement.

Going by this reasoning, we would have to abandon the damaged
maze-like pathways and dedicate a new pathway for both movement and
sensation. Deleting pathways and adding new pathways. How can pathways
be created? The extra-pyramidal pathways were imperative at infancy!
Can they be reprogrammed easily? Embryonic growth is only useful in
the process of gradual building blocks. If areas need too much change
they can't be included in the building block process.  Starting from
the beginning or starting from age 17, 30, 53... or 0 (-9months)?

Is REM a function of the right brain - alpha wave state? Is epilepsy
the function of the right brain's REM that happens in the left brain?
Is epilepsy a form of the left brain's REM? Was my right arm having a
controlled epileptic fit through necessity in 1985 in the form of
reflex dog paddle?

Which came first: hand movement or finger movement? Whatever the
infant tried first. But the hands have a more complex pathways than
any other body part - this would've developed by necessity. Does a
baby with no hands develop another region by necessity instead (its
foot sensation for instance)?

As a population we are more right side dominant than left side
dominant. Pre-accident I was right handed but out of necessity my left
hand is used for all coordinated movements. This changing dominance
has been a headstrong achievement.

 The Right brain takes  care of the programming; left brain takes hold
of the physiological development - this is only a general rule. REM
sleep only happens in bursts. What came first left brain activity or
right brain activity? With a coma all other learned tasks get in the

Section 19
Inherent Mistakes by Definition

If the body isn't given chance to cope for itself, it can't cope with
foreseeable problems - immunisation has its down-side. Your putting
children at risk by not immunising. Other immunised children can carry
infections because of being immunised.

Life would continue with a handful of animals with 28 chromosomes but
there is safety in numbers. Evolution (and survival of the fittest) is
the natural doctor. As a human race we will progress but at what cost?

I can remember my first GA at age of 7; my mouth went so dry. GA
doesn't phase me so much now. Its just a casual thing. I had my
tonsils removed as a child. Would a child who recovered without the
tonsils being removed be more adept to recovering from other like

Without Modern Medicine - I would not be here today!

I'm of the age now where my closest friend's are having children. The
joy that they bring to everyone's lives is quantifiable by life
itself. They and I wouldn't have it any other way! My sister-in-law's
pregnant at the moment (due in March, 1999). I can't wait, mum and dad
can't wait, it'll be a Godsend.

I truly stand in awe of modern medicine - I wouldn't be here today
without it. Five generations down the track, imagine the outcomes of
mating from premature babies in humidi-cribs today. As if life isn't
complex enough. On the whole scale of life (5 billion people), one
baby is nothing but in our family one baby is everything!

Section 20

The brain has billions of neurons. Each neuron is useless by itself.
Each neuron is linked to every other neuron via the billions in the
brain in some way or another.


         Pre-Injury Schematic of Brain Area
Post-Injury Schematic of Brain Area
              Diagram and Assoc. Table		       Diagram and
Assoc. Table

	          a	<----------> b    ~~~~~~~~
?(a)  <----------> b   ~~~~~~~~                                  
   ~~~~~~~~~		           { Sensation}          ~~~~~~~~~
{Sensation }
  { Movement} c 	<----------> d     {      &       }
{*Movement} ?(c) <---------->d  {     &        }
     ~~~~~~~~~		           { Feedback }          ~~~~~~~~~
{ Feedback }	          e	<---------->  f    ~~~~~~~~
?(e) <----------> f   ~~~~~~~~
					Diagram I

Right Arm's Control Centres - Movements a, c, e are linked to
sensation b, d, f
A parallel could be drawn to any of my given problems.
This is only an abstract two 2D diagram helping to explain my meaning.
Remember, it's only a simplistic diagram.

*This new movement is not incorrect; it's only incorrect for the
sensation (feedback). If it was correctly aligned with the sensation,
the movement-sensation would be at a new level. Would regressing the
associated sensation areas of the brain for my right arm to the same
levels  to the injured area of movement help the rehabilitation of the
injured brain?  

	           Table I
Table II 

Movement    Sensation   Combined
Confused   "Normal"   Combined				Result
Movement   Sensation     Result
   a		b	  ab=c				   ?(a)
b            ?(!a)b=?c
   c                       d            abcd=e
??(c)               d	           ?!!a?b?c?d=?e
   e		f          abcdef=g*
???(e)                f         ?..(!abcdf)=?!g**
   "                       "                ..i
?".."             .?".."              ??..i...
".."                    "..."              ..k
..?"...."          .?"...."            ????..k..
* The combined result is taken for granted	               **A
very confused result that is reinforced time 
with no need to remember the stage before.                 and time
again based on the wrong feedback.

An exclamation mark '!' being the notation for 'Not' in Boolean
Algebra. A question mark is notation for implied knowledge of 'b'. 

These "Links" would be a representation of the pathways in the brain
and to and from my right-side. This would be coupled with
communication down the spinal cord between the movement and sensation
areas of the muscles and nerves in the hand.

Is this the reason behind coma? Not knowing how these areas are linked
would make it very difficult. Having mutual areas of brain - movement
versus sensation - affected to the same extent would make for a better
baseline. Baseline Rehabilitation(. Reducing/regressing simultaneous
areas of the brain  (movement versus sensation and associates) to a
corresponding level.

For each perspective of movement there would be a mirrored-perspective
of sensation5 in the movement centre. The mirrored-perspective has an
altered image that does not correlate with the movement image because
of  the original injury and hence incorrect reaffirmation. 

Sensation perspective: would this be the same as the movement
perspective but with the function of  sensory feedback? One neuron is
the same as another, the only difference being allocated tasks.

Section 21

Logical Thoughts

Index Finger movement - is the firing of neurons in an order to
produces index finger movement.
Middle Finger movement - is the firing neurons of the same neurons in
a different order to produce 
			  middle finger movement. 
Pyramidal Pathways - a maze like formation of neurons interacting with
both sensation and 			       movement.  
Extra-Pyramidal Pathways - a maze like interconnection of neurons with
no regard for sensation.

What is the actual reason behind baldness? Is there a correlation
between less frontal lobe activity and the person being more fixed in
their ways? Because of this lack shown on EEG, people with fixed ideas
about life would show very stable EEG but open minded people would
show extra activity during stimulation by some outside influence.
Again, this is an area I know very little about!

Question: Why can't we rub our stomach and pat our head at the same

Answer: Mutual exclusion of areas of brain. One area is being employed
to initiate an arm movement; another to continue it. The same areas
are needed to initiate and continue movement of the other arm. The
extra-pyramidal pathways have to be employed to achieve this complex
task! Mutual exclusion of deciding whether to initiate, or continue -
initiation and continuing or continuing and initiation.....

The first thing I'd think if my right arm got torn off is how relieved
I'd be. (The pain would probably be the first thing actually.)
Relieved that it wasn't my left arm!

Section 22 + 23 

Miscellaneous Agents and Drugs

One of the symptoms for Sinemet-M's use in  people suffering
Parkinson's symptom is limbs moving more freely with the aid of
resistance. Is Sinemet-M's purpose is to help align the bodily
feedback with sensation? It is needed in my case but my stem injury is
deeper or less deep, differently deeper and/or both on separate
levels.... I could just go on.

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome - Retragade Amnesia of Breathing?

Babies sleep and eat...sleep and eat...fall asleep while eating. When
a foetus  "sleeps" (gestation) what are its random thoughts based on
no knowledge whatsoever. The mother's movements, heartbeat and
breathing would be the only stimulation.

When the heartbeat and breathing is implied, perhaps the breathing is
a confused function? What is a baby 'thinking' in the process of
becoming the next SID's statistic? Is cot-death an acquired retragade
amnesia of breathing? Remember my lack of education into the workings
of the problem. Maybe the baby has a confusion about lack of oxygen -
maybe it thinks holding its breath is the way to more oxygen. Maybe a
confusion over breathing because the baby is forgetting the onus is
theirs to breathe. Is the new born is relying on its 'gills' or
regressing to the womb?

I had an EEG last week. I was instructed to take deep breaths for a
prolonged duration - I hyperventilated. I didn't need to breathe for a
time afterwards - I was totally relaxed. It was at this time I
could've fallen asleep. Is there any evidence that a SIDS infant has
hyperventilated just prior to REM and consequently SIDS? I
hyperventilate when I consciously move my right hand near my face.
This is the foetal position for the arm? Are SIDS infants all found in
the foetal position? Or just before SID's are they dreaming they're in
the foetal position. How about restricting their arms to their side
when asleep? I did ask some of these questions of a Doctor in a
posting to a newsgroup on the Internet last year.

Remember, identical twins are identical but each of the babies grew
opposite to each other. It would be interesting to see the correlation
between twins with respect to dominant bodily side. Which side
received the most stimulation at critical times? Maybe the mother's
dominant side has a physical bearing on the two babies?

Are dreams whilst in the womb our mind's random thoughts about
foresight to advance the developing brain? Does a baby REM?

What does a six month foetus think about anyway? Does he/she think?
How can you think properly without knowledge in the first place? Is
being slapped the wake up call of 9 months? Is forgetting to breathe
the regressive state of being in the womb? (Cot-death?) Is cot-death a
misguided regression into the warm, comfortable and non-problematic
stage of being in the womb? (I'm in the "Twilight Zone" again)

Retragade amnesia is a learned response to habit. The habit of
breathing in its infancy. SID - is this a misguided dream? Perhaps the
infant is unable to make the clear distinction between breathing and
dreaming it is breathing. The controls for continued breathing have
not fully developed yet for the newly structured mind of the new-born
.One slap at birth isn't much of a reminder to breathe when breathing
is performed by someone else for 9 months....Psychological problem
causing a physiological problem! BUT I'm just guessing.

Section 24
				Meeting Familiar Faces 

When I was initially injured, meeting people (while at the Shopping
Centre for example) was one of my worst fears. My mind was wandering
and my reaction to them is so random. Random because their presence
effects me in different ways. It could vary by my assessment of the
situation and frame of mind at the time of meeting. My insecurities
are unleashed. My self-consciousness of my subconscious tends to take
over - this is why I hated meeting familiar faces in the early stages
of my head injury. Flexor toe spasms were rife. My fingers spasm, my
arm tightens, leg goes stiff. I had random thoughts of the
communication that may develop but I couldn't speak properly - self
perpetuating problem!

Finding A New Balance Of Comfort Zones

Was my brain's structure being re-structured at these times:
Unexpected situations, and meeting familiar people. My physical being
is exacerbated by enforcing correct movements on incorrect feedback.
Does that sound familiar? Spasms: "Stage fright" mutual exclusion of
areas of brain. Was the away-from-home anomaly being realised? 

My brain-stem's functions were very visible during these times of
duress. All because I had no means in place to mask my
self-consciousness. Comparatively, the brain copes well with no brain
injury at all!

Comfort Zones:  Exploring one's own limits is only useful if one
consciously realises what is going on. I never realised what was
happening but I did it anyway because it is socially the "done thing".
Mixing and meeting familiar people - one of my greatest fears when I
had no means of communication.

I had no introduction to tackling the problem of self-consciousness.
Everything in life was the same as it was - every in my life was so
radically different. The extent to which everything had changed could
be classed in so many ways. Someone moved the goal-posts and hid them
from everyone involved.

I thought it was a side affect from the accident. I have overcome my
'problems' with confidence by a subconscious realisation on many
levels. Having absolute faith that the situation beyond the panic
would be better if I faced the problem now. This reasoning is
applicable in many life situations. i.e. stalling practises very much
included. Am I describing Panic Stress Disorder? Even now, I feel I am
a very self-conscious person.

Everyone who has "seen the light" in actual fact has "seen the light"
a form of what their understanding can allow! God like beings simplify
their own understandings of life and selective amnesia applies itself
to suit. I live in denial of a God but with the full knowledge that
some outside influence of something more deep exists. Telling a
(white) lie to appease the troops/masses is necessary at times of

The writers of religions were geniuses. I've only realised that
through the fictional existence of a Babble Fish and any proof God
exists and God disappears in a puff of logic6. Complex thought
structures from the experience of living life have allowed this
understanding and I have quantified to this level

Section 25

Another Ridiculous Thought!

Is the brain concentrating on itself and memories don't surface until
the age of 2? Is this why we can't remember life in the womb? Whilst
in the womb, the baby develops whether it wants to or not. Is the
gestation period the brain stem's self interpretation of its own DNA?
A confusing way of looking at it but understanding the mechanics of
DNA is unthinkable! 

				        LEFT       RIGHT

Is the Brain-Stem the third brain or is it just the animal in all of
us deciding which 
brain is in control?
Brain Stem - CPU of the Brain? The Animal Instinct in all of us!

Section 26
Answers to Questions

Why can't memories of the first 9 months be remembered? ..The brain's
structure is developing..
Is the brain stem taking over control of breathing when I panic with
my face underwater? Is breathing-in a surrogate for my non-functional
Why can't most dreams be remembered? ..Alpha Wave state. The mind is
interpreting what stimulus the brain needs to develop and repair
Why do you lose all track of time whilst asleep? The brain is out of
order while its being repaired.
Why don't we taste our own bad breath or taste our own saliva?
Retragade amnesia - the balance is at equilibrium. Delta! Time,
change, time, change...... and .
What is REM? Alpha wave state at its deepest point.
Is Coma the Equivalent Stage to the Gestation Period? Nine months
being a state of mind but in the case of pregnancy, a nine month
Why do we forget things and remember when prompted? Memory is not
linked well to any visual, spatial or actual reminder.
Why do we have difficulty remembering our drunken stupors? The brain's
structure is developing /
Do all the other learned tasks interfere with relearning
neurologically affected tasks from scratch? Yes, it would seem so.
Why do the elderly need less sleep? Less potential regrowth.
Baseline-Rhetorical-Rehabilitation : Could this phrase be substituted
with Altzeimer's Disease?
Why is my right foot so sensitive? There is potential for
Why did I have a reflex-grasp? There was so much potential for
Does over-use for a lengthened time of extra-pyramidal pathway limit
the immune system's ability to cope with new infections?
When my right arm used to raise uncontrollably, was it effected by the
same phenomenon as: a chill running down one's spine?
Air conditioning in cars is a necessity in an Australian summer. Is
the immune system lulled into a false sense of security by being cool
when the outside ultraviolet rays are at full strength? Identical
twins are identical but each of the babies grew opposite to each
other. It would be interesting to see the correlation between twins
with respect to dominant bodily sides. "Which side received the most
stimulation at critical times?" 
And is dreaming the right brain's interpretation of what the "mind"
thinks will be the best means of programming the brain's structure?
But I'm just guessing!

Section 27 

I have a sneaking suspicion that I had acquired a slight dependency on
alcohol. I was getting drunk most nights when I was overseas in any
social scene. I was also taking an agent for the spasticity of my arm
(Epilim). On the label it says, it should not be taken with alcohol. I
was getting drunk for years before while on the Epilim. It didn't
phase me. 

In Amsterdam, I was walking back to my hotel room looking for
something to do..

			!! BRIGHT IDEA !!  

Walking is doing something!

While in Amsterdam, I smoked marijuana, cigars, cigarettes and took
Epilim at the usual intervals. but rarely had a beer. I thought if I
didn't need to have a drink for the time I was there, I didn't have an
alcohol dependency. And watched copious amounts of MTV and some very
informative documentaries. Amsterdam is a great place for getting
one's thoughts in order. However I'd only stay for 3-4 days at a time.
Anymore and this was bad for my verbal communication. 

I used to sometimes return to my favourite youth hostel  in Liverpool
called: The Embassie. There always used to be regular friendly faces
at The Embassie; they started to notice my downturn in verbal
communication skills for a day or two after returning. This down turn
was because of my self-consciousness about my confidence in front of
people I knew. On a one to one basis, my communication skills were
much better. 

My worst fear is communication with groups of people. I tend to be
silent in groups because of my "quiet" voice; I am self-conscious over
everything I say amongst strangers. Blame my lack of contextual
communication skills.

Sometimes I would leave Amsterdam and go elsewhere and I wouldn't have
any such problems because they never had a baseline comparison to what
I should be like. (I liked to keep everyone guessing as I believe this
is an integral part of my personality!) 

This is not too surprising really because of my disability is a visual
reminder that I am considered less of a person to narrow minded
individuals. Luckily, I didn't meet any travellers with a superiority

Section 28 + 29

Illustration Of Retragade Amnesia:  

Normal memory pattern: a -> b -> c-> d 	
Expanded it is: a->(a)b-> (ab)c -> (abc)d -> d.....

Post Head Injury minus the skill of  'b': Memory pattern: a -> ? - > c
-> d 

Expanded:. a->(a)?*-> ((a?)c ) -> (?(a)??(??* )c)d -> d.....d

In 1989, I commenced studies in Computing. Data structures was a
learned topic in several units including binary and data trees.

A Binary Tree Of Building Blocks For Learned Tasks:

Movement, Speech & Memory have similar structures - 2D view

	                   	         a(b)                 ab*(c)
* inferred knowledge of  all 
			       /	\	      /   \
preceding steps
                                             /           \
/        \
		         abc(d)   abcd(e)     a..e(f)    a..f(g) 

BUT remove the learned skill of 'b' through brain injury and 
the result is forgetting most learned skills in the post learning of

If a neurologically impaired person forgets an intermediate skill, how
can they continue normally? Retragade amnesia has a functional place
in forming habits. But very non-functional in head trauma. However,
the brain isn't geared to handle strokes. Change one control centre
without adjusting the other to suit and you're at risk of failure
before even starting. i.e. unexpected brain damage. 

Retrospective-foresight doesn't exist in neurological trauma but
remember, the brain copes well with limited natural degradational loss
of individual cells. 

Mutual Exclusion of Tasks: The tree structure only describes the
forgetting of 'b'. 
Consider the anomaly where 'c' cannot be learned without prior
knowledge of 'b' - mutual exclusion.

Section 30

A binary tree structure is simplistic - for illustration purposed
only! Consider left brain (x), brain stem (xy) and right brain (y for
creative) {"I'm making this up as I go!"}

A More Complex Tree Structure is needed


 			            xyxyxy            yxyxy
xyxyxy         yxyxyx

Left Brain - male within a female; Right Brain - female within a
male?. Remember my lack of knowledge in genetic engineering!!!!!!! The
male can't exist by itself - the female can't exist by itself but
frogs change sex in times of need! How many evolutionary stages would
we have to regress to becoming frogs?

What's the difference between one brain cell and another? Nothing
except for allocated tasks.

Section 31


When I feel confident in situations, I coordinate movement walking so
much better. After an hour water-skiing, the endorphins work well.
Walking properly becomes less deliberate and my arm swings. It's times
like these that I forget my disability. I have to stop and think
momentarily - which side is affected! BUT endorphins are a consequence
of 'an event' and cannot function properly without the event occurring
- eg. the correct level of functions with respect to time. 

As I shift weight from foot to foot and side to side it is my
understanding that I am using the dynamics of water skiing to my best
advantage. Water Skiing suits my disability; I ski to the best of my
ability and other people are embarrassed for themselves when they
notice disability - I ski well! A few days ago, I started putting more
weight on my right foot whilst skiing. It's very important in
Trick-Skiing. I now can turn more sharply in order  to spray water
further in an effort to splashing other skiers who have fallen in my

More interesting than that, later on in the day, my shoe-laces were
annoying me for the afternoon because I could feel them flopping
around. I initially thought they were untied but realised later that I
might be experiencing different levels of sensory perception due to
the different weight bearing abilities of Trick-Skiing. Or it could
have been my imagination?

To turn on a trick ski involves shifting of body weight at the
critical time. Water Skiing has a given set of dynamics as does
walking, running, riding a bike, skate boarding. etc.

Using My Right Hand:

That afternoon, I was trying to use both hands  in collating the pages
of a report for twenty or so minutes. Some movements were in the mid
range of muscles; I was getting frustrated with my arm because of its
lack of coordination. I gave up and was walking away when my shoes
started to bother me again! So...... could my weight bearing abilities
coupled with my determination to use my hand give me increase
sensation in my foot????? Or was it just my imagination remembering
that I wasn't really expecting my foot to recover by trying to use my

A week later I tried a new movement on my water ski. Placing more
weight on the back foot so the ski angled to the right and keeping my
hips level with my direction of skiing. This felt very foreign but
momentum kept me skiing.

The brain's problems cannot and should not be isolated without
consultation to the brain as a whole.
Baseline-Rhetorical-Rehabilitation : Creating events from Brain Stem
level; starting all over as a whole. Predicting events before they
occur. Fixing up problems before they become problems. Very hard to
do. Like predicting accurately where potholes are going to form on an
unbuilt highway.

Every decision in life we make is basically about making a better
environment for the future - survival on the wisest. On a cellular
level, replication of 
mistakes is usually self-destructive - survival of the fittest is
Neurological damage affecting movement causes Inertia of propagating
results - a spastic limb(s)
Progressive learning of bodily function causes: Momentum of
propagating results - development of control to its best ability or
performing a task. You don't try and do something you don't want to

Baseline-Rhetorical-Rehabilitation( : Could this phrase be substituted
with Altzeimer's Disease?

Section 32

Habit Forming Bodily Function

Breathing can be an extra-pyramidal function - I almost always breathe
in when my head is submerged in water. In England I often had a bath.
I was astounded by my discovery. When the right  side of my face is
submerged, I am more likely to breathe in. I did not feel a definite
urge to do so when my left side of my face was underwater. When I am
forced on to my right side, anything can happen and usually does
including breathing in water. I feel relatively comfortable breathing
water in through my nose though. My children will be born with gills!

Is the reason why I always breathe in because a lack of control of my
arm? Maybe breathing-in is the  surrogate brain stem operation in
place of arm movement. My head injury was a brain stem injury. My
brain dictates that I move my arm but my brain stem doesn't know how
to move my arm under normal comfort zone conditions. Maybe my right
lung is breathing in and the left follows suit. No matter how much air
I breathe in, there is always just that little extra space for water
to be breathed in through my nasal passage! (Good for clearing the

I do not overly bear weight on my right side - I cannot lay on my
right side for too long. I don't sleep on my right side because of the
poor muscle tone when circulation is restricted. I don't bear weight
because of the spastic nature of my balancing muscles. As soon as
they're needed, they go into spasm. Spasms breed spasms...

Memory of environment - environmental regression - selective amnesia9
. Teaching someone to forget - is this known as a habit! But what if
they've sub-consciously forgotten to forget? A mental block. I forgot
how to drive but I could remember learning how to drive. I was told I
had Retragade Amnesia. I was told RA was forgetting a previously
learned skill. They didn't elaborate beyond that. Was this a learned
response to the HI? Initially, I forgot my left and right sides. In my
case, I've had to reprogram my "brain" from the incorrect level. I've
had to fill in the 'holes' caused by the HI as pictorially described
in Diagram II in Section 20.

Memory is not an animal instinct: Michael Hunt - Neuropsychologist
told me of the failure of a group of people trying to use the
alternate pathways to improve severe memory difficulties. No animal
instinct is devoted to memory - memory is learned response to the
necessity of environment of means.

	Forgetting How To Drive  - In Retrospect

I initially forgot how to drive a car. If I didn't remember how to
drive how could I be in the position of being injured? Is this a dream
becoming reality? Was this a dream whilst in my coma state? I
initially thought I had forgotten everything I was thinking about at
the time of the accident. Was this the merging of realism and dream
(alpha wave) states? Was this forgetting a skill like learning to walk
before I could crawl? Or learning to water ski before I can
confidently swim? If my arm didn't function properly when I thought I
was drowning, the questions I've raised in this account of my story
would have never surfaced. 

I forgot my left from my right! However, I realised this was remedial.
I never asked and eventually worked it out for myself. My fear of
being ridiculed was greater than the foreseeable ridicule of asking.
"Which side is my right side" When you have tubes hanging out of your
nose, inability to verbalise a sound, inability to walk and nurses
attending to your every need, not knowing what hunger was because
every mealtime was standard. And liquid - no need to do anything.
Left and right sides are the last thing on your mind. You just accept
things for how they seem. 

Like A Dream State

Like a dream state - this was my mind-set for my ability. Turning in
bed was another thing I was deprived of. I have no memory of Sir
Charles Gardiner but I can remember the orderly's face from arriving
in the ambulance. I remember thinking that people resembling people I
knew were in fact people I knew.

Peta - The Ward Clerk - resembled a neighbour of mine so... I thought
I was in one the houses next door. Libby - the nurse - resembled Lisa
(a childhood friend) so I thought she'd changed her name a little. I
cannot regress before this.

Left Brain / Right Brain 
(Lifgtt Brain / Regfht Brain)

In hospital, my peers were patients with similar problems. There was a
man of similar disposition except his left side was affected (opposite
side of the head). He was under the impression for a long time that
his residual problems were his body's way of punishing his original
head injury. More logical than forgetting your left and right. His
speech was much more coherent than mine. 

     My Left Brain Injury and brain stem 			"His"
Right Brain Injury

Forgetting my left from my right. Accepting
Creating unlikely answers to appease the abnormal realisations and
recreating imaginary		situation. Retrospective foresight
facts to back up me realisations. Retrospective		lacking. I
could see his logic but it foresight was non-existent because I had
cons-		didn't correlate. His mind set dictated it 
ciously forgotten to remember. Retragade amnesia!                 to
be corrrect.
My mind set dictated it to be correct because right 
and left didn't matter until I had to make a distin-
tion between left and right.

We could have functioned well as one but  I was jealous of his speech.
Why was his speech so good when mine was so poor? I envied his
confidence too - the ability to just talk with nurses and patients
alike. Six months later at Rehab' he complement me on my walking. This
meant a lot to me.

Maybe patients with different injuries should be segregated from each
other!!! Patients voicing their own opinions often has a bad influence
on  the other patients. But who is to say what is right and wrong?? At
MRC we had group sessions of Social Skills. At the time I didn't
understand what I was meant to get out of it. I was limited by my
self-consciousness. Everyone's problem on the Head Injured Program
were so radically different. They were also at different levels of

I forgot my left from my right but I realised this was remedial. I
never asked! "Which side is my right side? I've forgotten!" My fear of
being foreseeably ridiculed if I asked was greater than finding out
for sure. I worked it out for myself after a while. I had a right
hemiplegia but my left side of my head was injured. The dream was
becoming reality when I recreated a false memory of hitting my right
side of my head - I was so sure!

Section 33

I used to be a heavy smoker before the accident. In the Pub' scene of
England I started social smoking. (I smoked cigarettes as well as
marijuana in Amsterdam) When I smoke now I automatically get mouth
ulcers. Is this a learned response to the fact that I shouldn't smoke?
A learned response that my immune system picked up? Dr Carl from JJJ
say nicotine is good for mouth ulcers. Mutual exclusion again but a
new balance has to be found. 

The more regions of brain used in performing tasks the more complex
the problem. And a more complex solution is needed. Back to basics. In
the early developmental stages the embryo develops in stages. What
came first? The chicken or the egg? Neither, they both evolved from
the stage before in unison - rhetorical unison. This is applicable to
every form of life. Starting with the beginning. Life forms have a
habit of evolving to the best of their ability. Evolution in practise;
ever changing. Not for the worse, not for the better but change
because it had to.

Retragade amnesia is the brain attempting to regress itself
psychologically to the stage where its retrospective foresight has an
innate understanding of the extent of damage. By forgetting my left
and right sides was this the brain's response to the original injury -
foresight of what the mind thinks will help the problem?

Psychological Difficulties

Premonitions - these are factual in a person's mind. All memories of
the past event are blocked selectively leaving memories pointing to
the premonition. A type of selective amnesia. A plane crash is
traumatic - how many people on board do you think had premonitions of
it crashing? 
All passengers who knew of the risks involved is my guess.

How many Lotto winners said they had a premonition before winning the
1st Division? All doubts are selectively blocked when winning is
realised. Quite traumatic in a manner of speaking! The chances of
choosing 6 straight numbers from 45 are: 228,713,284,800 : 1. Two
hundred and twenty eight billion to 1! And some winners had a
premonition?? Maybe so.....

Most psychological dysfunctions are caused by some other underlying
problem. A convenient excuse when applied all too frequently. But my
extra-pyramidal use of my arm when panicking in 1985 by fear of
drowning could be likened to a panic attack. This normal use of my arm
was a dysfunction of my current capabilities. Underlying reason for a
panic attack: trying to attain perfection  in your mind that you know
is possible but outside hindrances are hindering you. The panic attack
victim wants to be in control of everything simultaneously. This is
why I hate being ignored by people who should know better...???!!!

When I was recovering I had trouble emptying my bladder for months
afterwards. My mind trying to fix an unsolvable problem easily and it
just couldn't be done! The problem was psychosomatic - nothing wrong
with that, its just different people mind's work differently. The area
of head trauma with John Smith was probably near his visual cortex (I
don't even know of a context of the word 'cortex' but it fits
perfectly with the context!!)

Section 34


If it were only that easy; it is not that easy! Read to understand my
logic behind my acquired knowledge. If you haven't understood all of
the above, please re-read until you do. Then maybe you'll come to
understand why neurological injury is so complex. I understand a
little about everything to do with my brain damage. BUT alas I could
be just another number to some.

. . . . . . . .Answers . . . . . . . .

How about using a the alpha wave to regress the patient to the heart
of the problem. I would be a willing subject for this line of
reasoning. What harm can it do? No more harm than the Phenol-block or
foreseeably a bo-tox injection?

Stimulation/sensation by movement and electrical impulses and
temperature under controlled EEG circumstance at an early stage in the
development of the brain's current capabilities would seem a better
way to regaining functional motor movement. Enter the position where
environmental regression is allowed to happen - as far back as the

Alpha wave state - whilst heavily in REM? 

Lucid-Dreaming  while then the arm and hand are manipulated and
stimulated electrically and with varying temperature under controlled
alpha wave state. To try to enforce correct movement - sensation
based on sensation of movement. My arm and hand totally relax while
I'm asleep and I suppose it does under GA. I would be a willing
subject to this experiment!.

General Anaesthetic may be of assistance for a prolonged alpha-wave
state. This can be called: Post Injury gestation period! 

The eyes quiver during the REM phase - could this be the brain
restructuring itself? Is Epilepsy a misguided form of REM? Is REM an a
right brain Epilepsy of the eyelids?

	Petite Mal Epilepsy

On this tangent the controlled alpha-wave is the answer - controlling
your dreams. Is sleep the body's way of repairing and advancing itself
to its best ability? How many times have you initially dreamt the
phone was ringing and in actual fact it was ringing? One way of an
event breaking into the alpha wave state.

As a child I had petite mal. Petit-mal had an important purpose in
younger age 3 or 4 development. It has been denied from occurring in
this post injury regrowth. Was it wrong to control  this mild form of
epilepsy to help me develop?

AIDS, Cancer, Cot-Death, Stuttering, fixing problems that aren't even
problems yet, exponential graphs drawing a similarity between
conception and the onset of HI, mathematical equations, general
anaesthetic to bring on prolonged REM and manipulating bodily areas to
try to program your dreams. Call it 'Fiction' if I'm wrong. There must
a little truth in what I say.

Section 35


The brain can only repair itself to a degree with its innate
understanding from the previous stage. Reinforcing incorrect movement
based on correct sensation is the best we can hope to achieve. 

Imagine the difficulty in trying to interpret accurately to the nth
degree the meaning of  "????..k.." (from Table II in Section 20) and
to expect more movement.

As a child of 3 or 4, I remember having terrible night-mares.
Night-mares about unsolvable problems. Like counting the grains of
sand on a wind swept beach. It can't be done but I knew I had to do
it. Like counting to infinity. My night-mares were about solving
problems before I had the means to solve them. Were these dreams about
the impossibility of having retrospective foresight. Pondering
problems before they had been realised. Completing Grade 1 maths
homework in kindergarten - all foreseeable problems were relative. 

I had a difficulty comprehending Prime Numbers "..a number divisible
by one and itself... "  I didn't understanding the concept of "itself"
But I was only  5 or 6.

On the weekend, I was telling my brother about my writings over the
last few weeks. I went into detail over certain sections - the
night-mare topic came up. He was telling me about his night-mares as a
child and it was as if the description of his night-mares were that of
mine - something to do with maths.

My Dad told me what my nightmares could've been about - we worked it
out. Dad, my brother and I had a similar dream in childhood but my
other brother had no such nightmares. Dad had a high fever as a child,
Peter and I had tonsillitis. We both had fevers imaginably. Our dreams
were non-solvable problems - this can be like to a fever. Temperature
is control by the hypothalamus - part of the brain stem. The fevers
all three of us experienced were beyond the solving capabilities of
the brain stem so.... a circular dream of non-solvable proportion. Dad
worked it out for himself precisely. Dad's a Brick-layer/Builder by
trade he worked out an answer after reading this summary. 

What are the chances of being struck by lightning in a stormless sky?
Infinitely Remote!
What are the chances of being struck by lightning in a thunder storm?
Infinitely Better!

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