"kenneth collins" <kenneth.p.collins at worldnet.att.net> wrote in message
news:NUCTd.75809$Th1.4907 at bgtnsc04-news.ops.worldnet.att.net...
Why I got into this discussion of molecular-
'level' 3-D E was be-cause I saw that folks
were not Seeing the 3-D E that's inherent
in the way that nervous systems produce
behavior, cognition, affect, consciousness,
etc. as =BY-PRODUCTS= of 'blindly'-
automated TD E/I-minimization.
I saw that folks weren't Seeing the "duality"
that exists at the heart of nervous system
function, and that, since that stuff is global-
nervous-system [AoK; "supersystem"]
3-D E, that I had to find a way to assist
folks' Seeing of of "3-D E" in abstract ways.
So I got out my Intro Mol-Bio text, and
started looking for stuff, in-it, that I could
use as examples of smaller instances of
3-D E that were within stuff with respect
to which folks were already more or less
'familiar' [or with respect to which they'd
have easy recourse to Published reference
But -- Man Oh Man! -- when I started
reading in the text, a huge "dam" burst
within my own understanding, and it was
like I'd fallen down a "slippery slope" into
a =vast= Treasure Trove -- and I've been
"dashing-around", in-there, Joyfully picking
up this or that "Jewel", examining it, shouting,
"Look at this Treasure! This means that [...]!",
over and over again. Until I sensed that 'no-
body' was following, and understanding,
what I was discussing [same-old 'story' -- the
only folks who 'understand' what I've been
discussing are the few folks who also under-
stand that they're the few folks who understand
what I've been discussing, and that, since I'm
'destitute', they can just 'borrow' the stuff that
I've been discussing, which'll induce them to
'move away from' Crediting my work, which'll
leave me 'destitute', more] -- and that I'd not
carried-through my original Purpose of just
using Mol-Bio to give folks the necessary
insights into supersystem 3-D E.
I realized that I'd "run too far ahead", and
that no one was keeping-up.
But, then, I saw that I had to 3-D E-the-
And that's where I stand -- doing that, and
I'm in-Crisis, as a result, be-cause I've so
little $ left that I'm at risk of not being able
to feed and shelter myself.
I've been "here" before -- it's exactly analogous
to what "opened-up" to me when I saw what
was in "Decussation" -- a =Vastness=, laid
open to my Seeing -- but, then, and in other
such previous instances, I was always able to
fall-back on my Programming skills to scramble
to come up with an income, but, now, it seems
that that option is no longer open to me -- I've
been 'unable' to find Employment.
So it's 'pretty'-Intense.
I Know myself. I won't 'move away from'
what Needs to be Done.
And I See my End accelerating toward me,
The only thing that actually "Bothers" me about
any of this is that I've been "holding folks'
hands", all along. You know -- working to
enable folks to See 'Difficult' stuff, but =Carefully=
Guiding folks through the 'Difficulties' inherent --
but my means have so-dwindled that, if I'm
going to pursue this Mol-Bio integration [I am],
I'll no longer be able to "hold folks' hands".
And that "Bothers" me, because the only way
that I could Justify exposing folks to the 'unfam-
iliarity' [TD E/I(up)] of the work I've done was
to call-myself-to-task with respect to my OBlig-
ation to make sure that I did =Guide= folks
through the 'Difficulties' that I'd be asking them
to deal with.
So, if I've not the wherwithal left with which to
"hold folks' hands" -- to Guide them -- then it's
no longer Ethical for me to expose folks to the
I've reached this Sorrowful Conclusion during
what was a =Fierce= 'Battle' this weekend.
Resolving this one thing has left me almost com-
pletely-drained. There's a Finality in-it. In-it,
I'm Obliged to break-off from my interaction
here in b.n, and, if I do that, that'll break all
'contact' that I have with others ['pathetic', I
know :-| and I'll just Die.
It's 'funny' how things go. The crucial insight
came to me be-cause my car wouldn't start,
so I couldn't go to Mass, which left me want-
ing to 'attend' the Mass that's televised each
Sunday by my Diocese, so I did. After that
televised Mass, there was a Lenten Retreat,
the topic of which was "Sacrifice".
And, while watching that, "ZZZwwiipp" --
the 'Battle' ended.
I'd Seen my Way.
It's 'funny' how things go.
My car's starting had become a crap-shoot.
It's acting as if something in the starter mech-
anism is getting-frozen when the Temp turns
cold after I've driven my car on wet streets.
I'd been trying to remember to let the engine
run long enough to drive out the moisture
before I shut it off, but, the other day we had
a snowstorm, and I had to move my car so
that the plows could clear the street, and that
happened in the early part of my sleep cycle,
so I forgot to drive-the-moisture-out before
shutting the engine off. And that left me being
unable to go to Mass, but enabled me to take-
in this Lenten Retreat -- which just Dispensed-
with the stuff of this weekend's 'Battle'.
Love, ken [k. p. collins]