In article <a-schmi-1408971455420001 at vortex5.life.uiuc.edu>,
aloisia schmid <a-schmi at uiuc.edu> wrote:
>In article <5sv6f1$cab$1 at light.nih.gov>, bjag at ln.nimh.nih.gov (Bharathi
>Jagadeesh) wrote:
>>> I have a question for Alice, and the others who are posting; how is your
>> current situation (post-doc, perception of the future in science) different
>> from what you expected? If it's not what you expected, how is it different?
(snip)
>> But I don't think I'll regret the years I spent getting to do this. And,
>> lest something think that I am a naive graduate student who has only
>> invested a year of my life, I am a post-doc, and have many years invested
>> in doing science, but I have _enjoyed_ what I've done, not seen it as dues
>> to pay for the future.
I feel the same way as Bharathi does about this . . . I can't really imagine
not having done science. Sometimes I think that if I don't get a "real
job" that I actually might make a good (and even reasonably happy) lab
manager or technician (although people might consider me "overqualified").
Recently I was trying to evaluate what I most wanted to do, if I was
independently wealthy and didn't have to worry about money (do what you love,
the money will follow?), and what I realized that what I would love is my
current life, but with half the caffiene and twice the sugar. I like
basically everything that I am asked to do as a postdoc: I like having
space in the lab to work on a problem, I like being around smart, creative,
people. I like training and supervising undergraduates. I even enjoy
writing grants and papers, and I have always loved going to conferences.
But the catch is that I would want to do all of this about 40 hours a week,
and spend the other time doing something else.
I was very fortunate not to have any student loans, and I sympathize with
people who have to deal with that. I'm sure that makes a big difference.
To answer Bharathi's question, I think that the most unexpected thing
that I found was similar to one of Alice's:
> Finally, I used to think i was in the top 1%. I really did. Now I
>have seen in my boss the top 1% and I know I am no where near that.
This actually started happening to me in graduate school. I had always
been in the top 1% before, and at good schools. And then I ran into these
really frustrating physical limitations: I have too little energy and
need too much sleep, and that's all there is to it. I simply cannot work
the hours that are required. When I try, I fall asleep in seminars, lab
meetings, or at movies or the theater, and it gets really embarrassing. And
I get really inefficient and non-productive in lab anyway. Then I get
depressed, and sick.
Eating right and regularly, and getting regular exercise helps a bit with
the energy problem, but that imposes constraints too: time has to be made
for going to the gym, for shopping for the right kind of food, for preparing
it. And once I've done that, gotten all the sleep I need, done laundry,
and called my mother, I have very little time for anything else in a typical
week. I would love to be more up to date on the literature, but more often
than not, I will fall asleep on top of the journal that I'm trying to
read. And I don't have more responsibilities than other people around me,
as far as I can tell.
Sometimes I think that I actually know what needs to be done, that I
could "live up to my potential" if only I could stay awake and do it all.
Maybe I could get back up into the "top 1%," or at least maybe back up
into the "top 10%," because I do understand what's required, and I even
enjoy doing it and am good at it during business hours when I'm well-
rested. I just can't seem to find enough time to do it all.
When I decided to go into science, I never expected this to be a problem,
and it's very frustrating.
Karen
