Dear Sarah and all others:
For what it is worth!
>I feel a little guilt-ridden of late because I have never wanted children
>(though everyone can laugh a little and say I'm only 30 and don't know
>anything).
None of us ever knew anything about raising kids before we started.
Families are often initiated without planning. DONT FEEL GUILTY. Guilt is
a nasty habit. Your friend made a choice, all of your empathy should be
with her.
>A few years ago, she and I went to this talk given by a woman geochemist
>who was talking about how she made all her career moves, got the dream
>tenure job, etc. etc. and she literally said - oh, being a woman is no
>problem..
I would seriously consider the veracity of those comments by this women
because all of us who have managed a career know that being there at the
right time, with the right qualiifications is part of the game Do consider
this a game of chance and built your luck so that the chances are better.
>And now it feels like deja vu for ----
The best child care is done in the home. I spent about 50-60% of my
income to have a wonderful provider come into the home. My daughters do
the same and they are your age. It is a major relief for working mothers
however there must be income. But in home child care diminishes the
illnesses.
>Of course, the eternal question is - well, where is the man and what is he
>doing?
Dual couples are great. I have a dual arrangement. My husband and I have
worked shifts, flex hours, 18 hour days. I can truthfully say that my
husband is equally adept at child rearing. But watch out for those teen
age years- I call them the "gotcha years".
" I want a life. "
Well, then you should choose to live. This is not selfish--this is a
choice. Just because someone doesn't want family doesn't mean they ONLY
want a career. There is absolutely no reason why you should want a family
unless this is your and your significant other's choice. This is just
one of the societal pressures that we as women receive. However, there is
absolutely every reason why you should want a life.This makes for a
balanced human being. Many of my friends opted for family+ career, and
many of them opted for no family+ a life that they themselves defined +
career. You certainly have a choice.
>The fast-track scientific career path, as it currently exists, is-----
You are undergoing the initiation. Take the time to iron out the courses,
start small with the ug research unless you are being pressed for grants
but LIVE
>I guess that is the question...there have been many changes in higher
>research institutes regarding tenure/child/family... but I don't see them
>as working... Case in point, -----
This is unforgiveable. The gentlemen would surely yelp with pain if they
did not have ob/gyn priviledges in the medical plan for their wives. I
would consider that AAUP with contractual agreements with universities and
colleges should be brought into play. The working conditions in a large
urban school district are very much under control of the professional union.
> But, sadly, is an ethical reflection of society and
>societal values regarding women... and children (make no mistake, I am not
>lumping these two groups together - though their historical association is
>interesting given what I just said).
I agree with you . The societal values and the ethics that accompany them
are disgraceful in terms of women. There is an interesting initiative
being presented by NSF--called POWRE. I have not investigated it
thoroughly in all dimensions. But I would suggest that the list look at it
and hopefully entertain a concept of reacting to it. The issue of NSF, of
course, is more women etc in SMET careers. However, if women cannot meet
their life goals outside of the career issue this initiative is sadly
lacking in POWER. I "crack up" when these initiatives are sent (women,
underrepresented minorities, disabled, etc, etc) because many if not most
fail to address the root causes of the needs. Sarah--I think you said it
all in the phrase: " I want a life." Go for it.
Best
Mary Ann
Mary Ann Sesma e mail
1621 Sunnyhill Drive msesma at bell.k12.ca.us (preferred)
Monterey Park, CA 91754 sesma at aol.com
phone; (213)261-5860
fax:(213)261-8692
