>As far as "having it all" goes-Julia might be a better source for that
>answer, since I don't have children. As for me, I have to have my
>pursuits outside work, such as church, alumni stuff, and just plain fun.
>I do have an SO who's very supportive of my hike on the tenure track, but
>helps keep me grounded.
Sure-bait me to reply :)
The hardest thing about "having it all" is being sure that the "all" you
have is what you want, and not what society, mom, dad, your husband, your
advisor, your neighbor, your chair or anyone else thinks you want. I won't
lie and say that grad school and children go well together-they don't. But,
on the other hand, it's not the kiss of death to your career that some
people seem to think. It depends on you. In my situation, the kids both
kept me focused-I was doing this because I wanted to be able to support them
someday (let's not get into how myopic that was!) but they also kept me from
being a drone. The night before my orals, instead of working myself into a
frenzy, I was watching the 6th grade attempt "MacBeth", sure to put it all
in perspective :). But I'd be the first to admit that I've bought into a
lot of other people's ideas about what a "good mother" or "successful
scientist" was, and it led to grief and stress. As another decade is about
to break over me, I'm trying to be more deliberate about what I want,
instead of what I "should" want.
An aside about the coming back to school experience. I attended college 5
years after high school, after having 3 babies. The very first quiz I took,
a Calculus quiz, was an absolute disaster. I could only stare at the paper
and try to recall things I thought I knew. I did very poorly, and when I
went to talk to the professor about my grade, I fell apart-somehow I had
equated my score on this quiz to a complete evaluation of not only whether
or not I could handle college, but what kind of person I was. To his credit,
the prof hid his total confusion and mumbled something encouraging, and I
aced the next test, a biology test, and things went OK from there.
The same thing happened in grad school. After being in industry 4 years, I
found getting back into the "test" mode difficult. I talk well, and can
think on my feet, but written exams are not my strong point. (I do test well
on standardized test though-go figure!). Plus, I was going through a nasty
divorce the first year of grad school and my self esteem fell below zero.
The harder I tried to "do something" to show I wasn't worthless, the more I
messed up-I have 6 months worth of blank autorads to mark a particularly
hopeless period of my life. What I'm trying to say is even a grade for a
course is not a complete measure of your intelligence, ability, etc. But
once the self confidence slide begins, every little thing seems to
re-enforce it. That's where a world outside helps. What turned the corner
for me was someone outside the lab who believed in me, not as a scientist,
but as a person.
I think I better quit now-the organization of this post is starting to
reflect my Monday AM state of mind-not clear!
Julia Frugoli
Department of Plant Pathology & Microbiology
Texas A&M University
Southern Crop Improvement Facility MS#2123
College Station, TX 77843
phone 409-862-3495
FAX 409-862-4790
